Chariots On Fire

Of Beaches, Daylight Robbery and Feral Kittens.

2012-02-13T17:47:00.000Z

....So I just got back from that place. Naturally, could not have been happier to see Merry England again, with her rolling fields, her vibrant greenery.
...Except that literally nothing could be seen out of the aeroplane, and so I thought we were descending through miles of cloud, when suddenly we hit the runway, and I realised that it was actually just fog that reduced visibility to zero. FUN.
As I said. Great to be back, lol.

So Tunisia! Spent a week there as a post exams gift from the parents (partially to make up for the fact that whilst I've been on this degree they've all been on holiday without me ¬_¬) and it was TOTALLY AWESOME. Granted, all the Tunisians were bewildered at how this was the coldest they had known it in 10 years (naturally, the climate followed me), but this was not too big an issue, as when the sun came out it was totally beautiful.
So I have photos! :D

This next one is a typical street in Kerouan, which is a small traditional village- a man (see: vulture) recognised that my dad and I were tourists, and so offered to be our 'guide' by saying 'YOU COME WITH ME'. Naturally, like lost sheep we followed him around streets like this one, whilst he showed us various interesting things. He also made sure that he took us to all his friends shops, and that we bought something ridiculously overpriced at each one. Since this was our first day, we were failures at haggling, and were effecively robbed of our money. Ahem. We decided to avoid markets after this.

One thing that is interesting is that the doors are really important! Arab houses have brown doors, Berber houses have blue ones, and mosques have green ones. All had very intricate designs on them. Tunisians are also very superstitious, and so their door knockers are shaped like a small hand, called 'the hand of Fatima', and it's supposed to ward off evil eye...! And the number of knockers on a door signifies how many families live there. Some doors also have a smaller door built in, so that kids can use it. Of course, the 'guide' could've just made all this up... but we trust him. My dad paid him at the end of the tour because if anything, he was creative.

On the way to Kerouan our driver pointed this out- Butchers will hang the head of the first animal slaughtered that day outside the shop. WHAT THE HELL. At one shop we saw a camels head hung outside! Highly disconcerting.

This is Saeed the camel (I kid you not), who walked round this well in Kerouan, which drove a wheel to pull up water. He was quite adorable. Kerouan is, I believe, the origin of the word caravan, because it's where bedouins etc used to camp and rest with their camels and caravans.

This was the beach when the sun came out in the evening and it lit up the sand like gold glitter. I was just taken aback by how beautiful it was, seriously. Oh my god.

...This was me trying to be arty and take a perspective shot. Ahem. This failure that you see below is part of my dress, towering over my dad in the distance. Nice one, Humaira.

Just WOW.

We had a horse and carriage ride! There were two horses and the left one kept attacking th eright one, which was funny/disconcerting. The driver, pictured below, looked like Asian Bradley Cooper (Good thing I am not a fan), and smoked like a chimney, taking time to turn around and inform us about Tunisia, whilst breathing smoke in our faces. Nice. He informed us that his priorities in life, in order, were house, car, money, then wife. What a guy.

Tunisia is overrun with cats. One adorable example is the one below, who, when I took out the camera, assumed it was food and came right up to me to try and eat it, hence the close up. Another one found me whilst I was eating at an outdoor cafe with my dad, and sensing I was a soft touch, sat and watched me eat food forlornly, with great big cow eyes, mewing and waiting for me to throw it some chicken. When I refrained, it spent half an hour trying to jump into my lap/onto the table/mewing loudly/watching me with guilt-inducing judgement. Adorable! But I couldnt get a photo because it thought the camera was food also, and tried to jump on me.

Other things that happened

The Hotel that we stayed at was very nice, but had a tendency to play the same songs again and again and again @_@ I lost count of the number of times I heard Enrique Iglesias's Hero, and Mariah Carey's Hero one, and some other 80s hits that only my dad could identify, which made him very happy. It was all I could do to stop him going to the karaoke ¬_¬ At one point, when we were having dinner, the cheesy keyboard player started singing the Police's 'Every step you take' song in a heavy Tunisian accent. He must've been puzzled to see the unassuming small man with glasses at one of the tables suddenly brandish his knife and fork fiercely, whilst shouting 'YOU'RE MURDERING IT!'.
It rained.
People assumed my dad and I were Arabs, and so Tunisians full on addressed us in Arabic, only relaising that we had no idea what they were saying after about five minutes of us looking gormless.
French was the other main spoken language. I spent a lot of time conjugating verbs in my head as revision.
I READ FIVE WHOLE BOOKS :D Seriously, it felt amazing. The Hunger Games trilogy is totally awesome and addictive and should be read. And Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is THE BEST BOOK EVER. Since Kavalier and Clay and Mister Pip and a few others. But seriously, SO GOOD. I would avoid the film like the plague because I can't understand how it's going to do the book justice.
We visited the ruins of a massive Roman public bath at Carthage, which was awesome. My dad and I were the only people under 55 on that coach...just not good. Also, the tour guide was the grumpiest person ever, and held no prisoners.

Tour guide (speaking to us via mic on coach): Es ist ein sehr klein-
Woman (interrupting): Are you going to be talking in English? because most of us are English on here and we can't understand you.
Tour guide: YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, LADY. I AM TOUR GUIDE FOR MANY YEARS IT NO MY FAULT PEOPLE SPEAKING DIFFERENT LANGUAGES. NO. NO, YOU DONT WORRY, I WILL SPEAK ENGLISH AS WELL. DONT YOU TELLING ME HOW TO BE TOUR GUIDE.

Best tour guide ever. When she started on him again later, he turned away like a sulky child and shouted 'IF YOU WANT SAY SOMETHING TO ME YOU SAY TO MY FACE'
He then had a complet mood swing and offered her part of a doughnut he was eating. Just hilarious!

I was also full on proposed to by a random Tunisian man, on the one occasion I was alone in the lobby. This would, I suppose, have been flattering if he did not have th eeyes of a killer, and if, once I told him I was recently married, he had not promptly asked if I knew any other single Pakistani girls ¬_¬ Thanks a whole bunch, Romeo.

...And not much else happened! Or rather, a lot did but I can't remember it now, so we'll leave it there :)

Hope you are all good and well and awesome etc!

*waaaves*

Trust me, I'm half a doctor.

2012-01-27T21:54:00.003Z

OH MY GOD HELLO EVERYONE

So I know I've been absent for...*checks* 3 months, and before that was absent for about 3 months, but Medicine has a way of making you feel guilty for doing anything that is not Medicine. On numerous occasions these past months, various enjoyable activities have been clouded by revision guilt. Food became just another opportunity to revise the digestive system. Pre-sleep relaxation was suddenly an opportunity to listen to my heart/bowel sounds. Any kind of bright light was grabbed and shone in someone's (willing or non willing) eye in order to observe their pupil response. My family just became Simulated Patients to Practice Examinations on, or Lay People to Practice Explaining Stuff To. My dad, a pharmacist, became a Person Who Can Test Me On Drugs and Side Effects. Even the Emadness fell victim to this, enduring a full teaching session on the basal ganglia, which basically allows us to initiate or inhibit our actions. I will test you on this ¬_¬

You'll forgive me then, if I say that everytime I opened up the Blogger Dashboard, my eyes were literally and painfully dragged away to the bookmark at the top of my screen that said 'Spinal Cord levels', and an evilly smug voice in my head didn't say anything, but I could hear it smirking. Pfft.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, all this thinking does have negative mental effects. Just a few weeks ago, I sacrificed a revision break in order to conduct a full cardiovascular examination on an imaginary patient in my room, right down to addressing the pillow as if it was the patient. Out loud. I was really friendly, too. To a pillow. Sometimes I'm glad I don't study at home, so my family are spared from The Madness.

I'm not saying it's always awful to revise- I'm geeky enough to be interested. You're talking to the kid who read first-aid books in her spare time, I joke you not. On numerous occasions, I have been caught attempting to explain complex medical ideas to the younger (see ages 8+) cousins. My excuse, as I am dragged away, is that they will be able to impress their classmates, dammit. The younger brothers have learnt to tune me out at the dinner table when I launch into explanations of korotkoff sounds (blood pressure), or to just full on drown me out (see the time that I started talking about oesophageal varices, which cause you to vomit massive amounts of blood everywhere. In hindsight, probably not the best timing). Just last week, whilst out shopping solo, I decided that I would go all House and observe people for gait abnormalities. Third person I saw had foot drop, which is where they can't lift their foot to point up whilst walking, so it 'drops', which shows damage to the superficial fibular nerve, which can be caused by a car bumper hitting your lower leg side-on :D WOO. I'm probably wrong now. You can't crush the enthusiasm but sometimes I am woefully misguided.

There are physical effects too- I have put on a shameful amount of Revision Weight- due mainly to the fact that my schedule since October (and also the summer before, when I was revising for that bloody resit) has consisted of:

Wake up.
Breakfast + watch something which does not require thinking
Revise
Eat + watch something which does not require thinking
Revise with housemates
Eat + watch something which does not require thinking/brief, traumatised conversation with housemates.
Sleep
Repeat

It's not the best formula for physical fitness. Hence, I have turned into a pile of flab and acquired a tire. No amount of sitting up straight whilst examining my profile in the mirror can eliminate it, and I feel it's just disturbing. Further physical effects include turning ghostly pale due to a lack of sunlight (plus, no doubt the long term effects of a complete lack of vitamin D); sunken eyes that just exude 'help me'; and a constant fight, fright or flight response- dilated pupils, racing heart rate, and sweating. Yep. I did not look good.

I realise now that I have not been entirely clear thus far. This is because exams have driven me out of my mind. Basically, I spent the time since the last post revising for my Phase 1 exam, which is the exam that marks the halfway point of this course, and after which there are no more lectures- the next two and a half years are all spent doing 7-week hospital placements. How awesome, right? WRONG. Because the whole idea was just dangled in front of us, so close and yet so far away, because between us and Phase 2 stood this massive exam that people trembled at the mention of, and that when you spoke of it to 4th and 5th years, they got this distant, post-traumatic-stress-disorder look in their eyes, and just clammed up. Of course I'm not exagerrating, shush.

Phase 1 exam is basically a four hour exam paper split over two days, which examines you on anything and everything from the last two and a half years. In order to pass Phase 1, you also have to pass the OSCE- a practical exam consisting of 10 stations, each requiring you to, for example, perform a physical examination, or take a history from/explain a medical condition to a fake patient. It is, to say the least, daunting stuff.

My exam was two weeks ago. I still shudder at the thought of it. I had revised non stop since the summer, and was a Total And Absolute Zombie by the end of it, but somehow, by some massive twist of fate, the papers were completely awful. I came out and had a full on meltdown, convinced I had failed, and have spent the last two weeks being a quiet and destructive shadow of myself, waiting for the inevitable result which would tell me that I had to come back to the Hellhole for further revision.

Except that I found out yesterday I passed!!! SO WOOOOOO! Officially half a doctor! No more lectures! Next stop hospital placements!! :D This is more awesome than you can understand, because I cannot understand how I passed that paper, and have since yesterday checked my Uni email four times, just in case they sent an 'AMENDED PHASE 1 RESULTS' message.

So yeah. God knows how I'll find the hospitals, my next blog entry might be an outpouring of self pity and reminiscence of how easy I had it before, but to be honest, I'm just glad I've got this far. And I'm glad of the change- 2 and a half years of daily lectures has given me enough deep vein thrombosis risk for a lifetime, so thanks very much, Medschool.

In other news!

...Except nothing else has happened, because as you may have deduced, revision has consumed my life.

*tries in vain to think of something significant to talk about*

...Look! I took this cool picture of the small cousin today, when it started snowing!

*Continues to think...*

Erm...Okay. Fail. Lets resort to a list of things I need to do, now that I have holidays for the next few weeks:

LOSE WEIGHT WOMAN, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Read MANY, MANY BOOKS. Including awesome graphic novels. Did I not mention my new graphic novel obsession?! Oh my god, read Maus. It's a man's account to his son of being a Jew during the Holocaust. It won the Pullitzer prize, and having read it, I fully agree that it is amazing.
Continue efforts to be a girl, including expanding the amount of colour in my wardrobe
Get clothes for the hospital placements, which I did not dare buy before in case of failure. Yay!
WATCH MANY FILMS. (Oh my god, people, watch Drive, the Emad was right)
WRITE SOMETHING WORTH READING
DRAW/PAINT THINGS- yes, there may be a theme of regaining creativity here, since the right side of my brain appears to have shrunk and died.
Regain a semi-normal face, that does not give the impression that I have Just Escaped from some kind of high security prison camp, or that I am currently addicted to illicit substances.

I will keep you posted on how I get on with all this!

And now I shall go and start catching up with all your blogs!

Over and out, crocodiles :)

...So yeah, it's me again...!

2011-10-31T00:03:00.004Z

I'M BACK EVERYONE. REMAIN CALM. It's okay, really. There was no need to panic. Put down your weapons etc.

Well, God knows when I last posted, but the last few months were a horrendously stressful/occasionally nice combination of...well.. many things. No doubt I have forgotten most of it, but here it is:

Resit exams

July was the most stressful month of my life so far. You go through the horror of UCAS, interviews, moving away from home, first year, second year, Infection and Immunity module etc..., only to find that you fail by one question, and your future on the course will be determined by a four hour exam over two days in August (which just happen to be the first days of Ramadhan too, so no hearty brainfood breakfast for you, matey). Having people to revise with helped, and there was always the silver lining of we-will-have-a-better-knowledge-of-stuff-for-Phase-One-Exam, but nevertheless it's as though someone physically beat my confidence to a pulp for a month. Happy ending and all that, since I did pass, but the lack of summer holiday (due to getting thrown straight into Ramadhan) before term started again, and the fact that it was the first big exam I failed, mean I still feel like an imposter on this course. But you know, we shall see when it comes to Phase 1 exam... ¬_¬

Ramadhan

I spent all of Ramadhan/August working on my dissertation. Which was 10,000 words, all about constipation and irritable bowel syndrome. Seriously. I know so much about bowel movements now it's untrue. The things I've seen @_@ etc. Still amused by one of the things I read about a certain laxative- 'Excessive doses can cause explosive and uncontrollable diarrhoea'. LOL. It's the small things :)
Did manage the finish the dissertation on time :D Not looking forward to the Viva exam on it though.. you basically get grilled on your dissertation, so they can verify that you wrote it @_@ I can't even remember what I wore/ate/did yesterday, how am I supposed to remember 10000 words on bowel movements?!

Further becoming female

So yes, my efforts to be a girl continue, with the purchase of this AWESOME maxi dress (I know!!). Not for every day use, naturally, just for Eid. Also! The fact that I now have nails, having been clean (...of nailbiting) since June, means that I have been able to experiment with various nail polishes! :D Current favourite: sparkly deep purple :O And I saw an awesome tip about blowing Barry M dazzle dust over your nails straight after putting on polish. So pretty @_@ Ahem. I'm sorry, world. I sold my soul to girl-ness. But dammit, I can't resist sparkly things! It's the magpie instinct!

The giving up of all fizzy drinks. NO, SERIOUSLY.

I KNOW. Having spent the second decade of my life drinking Pepsi as a staple drink, I decided on the day before I came back to uni, that I wasn't going to have Pepsi anymore. Or anything fizzy. Because I still wanted teeth by the time I turned 30. My family, who were witness to my grand announcement, responded with a hearty, all-round laugh. So supportive ¬_¬ But the reverse psychology worked, because I've successfully given up just to spite them! I'm not going to lie, there have been challenging times. Old habits die hard after a decade of turning to drink to solve all my problems. Further exagerration etc. I was classically conditioned to calm down as soon as I had pepsi. I have now had to replace this with having a staple snack of Kit Kat Chunky with tea. Not sure if it's actually worse for my health...but it's the principle of giving up that counts. Ahem.

Term starting

Yes, we came back to uni near the start of September. Sickening. The past seven weeks have consisted of neurology and pharmacology modules, along with a neverending bombardment of reminders about how we will fail the Phase 1 exam, and how hard the OSCE (practical exam) will be, and how we should already know the full medical course inside out or we are basically doomed, and how we should have started revising two years ago, and if we didn't, then we might as well leave now. Etc. So no pressure on us at all. Whatsoever. And just for the record, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN NEUROLOGY. WHAT. THE HELL. I'm still too weirded out by the fact that my brain is learning about itself. I fear it will become self-aware and try to break out of my head :|

Cannulation/Venepuncture

Two of the coolest things we've done in a semester of nothing cool whatsoever. Cannulation = where you put a needle with a tube into a vein, and it stays there so you can give medication and fluids through it. And Venepuncture is just taking blood from a suitable vein. These were so much fun, though I would have preferred to practice on real people. But the cool fake arm things with the fake veins with the fake blood running through them were still very much fun. The blood went everywhere! :D And I now can't resist finding suitable veins on my hands/arms. Excellent stuff.

Illness

I'm pretty sure that my recurrent illnesses have been due to the beating my immune system has taken from the stress since June. In ay case, the most recent illness has given me the infamous man-voice again (WHY does nobody else's voice go this weird when they have a cold?!), and also sinusitis, and sniffliness. Yes. Because sniffliness is a medical word. OH, speaking of cool medical words, apparently 'blob' is a medical term for something to do with the eye that I can't remember but was very impressed by in the lecture! :D

Bathroom saga

Yes. Our bathroom was under construction for a week. This was the worst week in history. It was supposed to take two days, but inevitably two turned into seven, when several tiling disasters happened. The horrendousness included being unable to shower for several days, and having to use public toilets during the day due to ours being unusable, but these things paled in comparison to the fact that our bathroom door was REMOVED ...yes, REMOVED, and so if we wanted to use it we had to close the nearest door, throw a blanket over it so it was no longer see through, and have a sign saying 'DO NOT ENTER'. This loss of dignity means that nothing can ever be embarrassing again.

London

Yes! This weekend, as a pre-birthday surprise, my parents took me and the brothers down to the Science Museum in London for a day! :D AWESOME stuff. The day included a lot of food (naturally), an IMAX showing of Born to be Wild (which was adorable- baby elephants and orangutans!!!), a 4D show where you experienced rocket take off and landing and driving in a moon buggy and got jolted around and sprayed with water when you returned to Earth and landed in the sea. (not amusing). Various space exhibits meant that we geeked out massively, and I spent far too long in the Art/Science/History of Medicine exhibitions! Despite them having creepy dummies that look like real people and freak me out. So many scary medical instruments too...think amputation handsaws @_@ All in all, a totally awesome surprise :D

So yeah, I'm supposed to be getting ready, and should probably go. I'm sure I've not mentioned something properly major, but it's all good for the moment, because otherwise I will be late for this GP thing I'm doing for my student selected module. Long story. SO in a while crocodiles, it was nice seeing you all again :D

*waaaaaaaaaaaaaaves*

"I need some air"

2011-07-18T11:39:00.004+01:00

Once again, totally irrelevant title, but it made me laugh when my five-year-old cousin Hasan, (who has a tendency to be slightly effeminate), said this in reaction to eating a particularly spicy pakora. Bless him.
So hello! I dropped off the face of the Earth firslty because I had nothig to blog about during exam season, then because I was too busy sleeping/being a slob to blog after that. but I am here now. With my non-chronological List of Events That Have Happened.

When I was younger, the family and I would go for walks along the canal that runs fairly near where I live. It's a hell of a long walk, but very pretty for greenery and the occasional barge that goes by, with the people on board waving as they pass, like it's still a century ago. We made a spur-of-the-moment decision to revisit it in June, and so, woefully underprepared with a lack of sunscreen/hayfever-tablets for the brother/water/cool clothes, we set out to be all nostalgic. Fifteen minutes into the walk, the brother descended into explosive sneezes, the sun came out and melted us all to death, and my dad got thirsty. It was too late to turn back though, so we soldiered on. My dad's quick-fix solution to the brother's hayfever went as follows:

Dad: Humaira, do you have any lip balm?
Me: ....Yes..? Gawd, I know they're bad, but there's no need to-
Dad: Give it to him.
Me: But his lips aren't chap-
Dad: It's for his nose.
Me: *laughs uneasily in a misheard-way*

Dad: Haroon, rub the lip balm around your nostrils. It'll trap the pollen and you won't sneeze.
Me: *Begins to run*
Dad: SEIZE HER!

Maybe the last part didn't happen.
After much disgust, struggling and refusal on my part, I was coerced into finding a lip balm I was sure I never wanted to use again (I may possess several due to a slight obsession). There was a horrible moment of lip-balm smearing and emasculation for Haroon, and then it was over. And despite the Bear-Grylls-ness of this, he did stop sneezing and my dad did the whole smug see-I'm-a-pharmacist-I-know-these-things look.
We did actually manage the walk, despite the humidity and the sun and the younger brother moaning that this was too much and my clothes sticking to me, and an awful ten minutes when we had to pass the sewers and there were literally swarms of flies @_@ But yes. About 4 hours later we were back home and decided to offset all the calories burned by ordering two Dominos Pizzas. Because why not :D
The first picture is just the pretty-ness of the canal. Yay! And the second was when we passed along a field of rapeseed..I think that's what it is, the bright yellow one anyway. Huge field of all these yellow flowers, and I spied two red poppies in the middle of it all. I felt for them, so took a photo.

I MADE COOKIES TOO! Same recipe, refer to the Emad's blog for the link, I can't be bothered to find it and may as well plug his blog while I'm here, it's adequate in a sort of readable way :P (I JOKE! It's great.) But yes, the cookies were awesome and that recipe is seriously the best ever: they come out all chewy! And don't listen to what anyone tells you, using chunks of galaxy chocolate instead of chocolate chips tastes ten times better. :D I know. I tried both ways, to make an informed decision. Or just to get fat. Note the pretentious arty-ness of how I took my photo. Because I'm oh-so-experimental and creative.

I have been making a conscious effort to be a girl, recently. I have decided that 20 years of life is long enough to be going through a self-conscious awkwardness crisis. Despite being hopelessly outshadowed by girly cousins and the like, I shall make my own small steps towards attempting to do things that girls do. Step One was to acquire a girly bag, as I have never carried anything other than boyish satchels. So I got a huge, pretty white and pink shoulder bag with a lot of shiny sequins/beads on it because I am a magpie. And I can't find a picture but will edit with one if I do. This decision worked well, despite me walking lopsided for a month due to not being used to the weight of a shoulder bag as opposed to a cross-body one. Step Two was not biting my nails, as I felt this was not ladylike. Nah, it's because it was starting to hurt to touch things. But I did put nail polish on for the first time in my life! It was an awesome peacock blue-green metallic colour, and admittedly I got it everywhere due to never having worn the stuff before, but it was a start. I have now ordered a sparkly purple one because it looked awesome :D And Step 3 will be to sort my dress sense out, but that ones going to take a while. Note that high heels will never be a part of this effeminisation. Yes. New word.

My family is all over the world at the moment. Had to stay behind to do a resit/curl up in a ball of self pity as everyone else went off to do things. It shall be a lesson to me: use brain more effectively next time, stupid person.

Spiders appear very frequently in my room due to there being a massive hole in the wall where the fireplace was, that can't be covered by my clothes drawer. I keep having heart attacks. Just...*shudder*

I have a LOT of palpitations. I mean, I know I drink pepsi a lot and caffeine accounts for this, but I keep having them when I haven't had pepsi- sometimes I haven't had caffeine all day and still end up with them. It's like my heart misses every 3rd beat and it scares the hypochondriac in me. Already thought out all the worst case scenarios. I fear that another spider would just cause my heart to throw in the towel and storm out.

The Sandman graphic novels are pretty damn ace so far, but what with exams I haven't been able to get the next one so all I can say is the first 3 are very good. I've never read a graphic novel before, but they were clearly a good place to start. Awesome stuff.

My obvious bewitching-ness made me the target of attention for not one, but two creepy Asians, when I was getting the train home from Uni. It happened twice, and I would have been flattered by their perversely invasive questions ('Where are you from in pakistan', 'Where are you going?' 'Will you come to Manchester with me?' and further Urdu things) had they not been forty something and dentally challenged. I mean, really?! A sad state of affairs.

Went to see the Wolves crew yesterday, just for the day. This was, as ever, much fun: comfort white Magnum with my aunty Em was indeed comforting, and the comedy relief of hearing Baby Bear (who is now 18 months-ish) saying nothing but 'Ball?' the whole time was great. And Hasan's over-excitedness manifested itself in him abandoning his food to come and tap dance in front of me. Brilliance.

I think I may have run out of things to say. No, really. I know..!

So yes, I won't make any blog-soon promises because clearly it's counter productive.
In a while, crocodile!
(Or, as my housemate likes to say as I'm leaving, 'Stay safe, and say no to drugs!' ...You'd think she had no faith in me.)
:)

What is this...'sunshine' you speak of?!

2011-06-07T23:55:00.004+01:00

I AM BACK!
Gawd knows when I last posted, but I swear I've been revising since Easter. Gah. The effects of at least 8 weeks of revision include:

A 'walking-dead' complexion
Panda eyes (which coincidentally is also the slang for periorbital ecchymosis, and- *slaps self out of revision coma*)
A lack of fingernails, and an inability to touch anything.
The tendency to twitch involuntarily
Revising during sleep. Seriously. I had a full dream the night before the exam where I went through a flow chart to do with the body's response to high blood pressure. I woke up in a cold sweat.
Forgetting what it feels like to wear anything other than pyjamas.
The development of a revision belly.
A permanent indentation in my bed, or 'study space' as I like to call it. Observe:

My poor bed :(

So yeah. Life has consisted of waking up, revising, eating during study breaks, revising, and then sleeping. It's got to the point where I've classically conditioned myself (think Pavlov's dogs, which is part of Health Psychology modu- *slaps self out of revision coma*) into associating eating with relaxation. We'll make me obese yet!

The exams were Monday and Tuesday. They crashed and burned, to understate. But..yeah, I can live with resitting if I at least take a few weeks off from revision now. Because if I see another cranial nerve mnemonic, I will snap and do some serious damage, using only my Clinical Anatomy textbook as a weapon/anvil.

So relaxation it is! I ordered myself one of the Neil Gaiman Sandman graphic novels as a post-exam reward, and am going to read that, with a can of pepsi and a Galaxy Roasted and caramelised hazelnut bar, on the train home :D Yay!

Oh, and family wedding this weekend. Yay for jazzing up...? I'm scared of turning up and causing the guests to flee, having confirmed for them that Dawn of the Dead has finally come true. But what the hell. At least I can be a happy temporarily-exam-free zombie :)

And good luck for your exam, Emadness! Even though you won't see this til after yours, probably. But join the post exam zombie celebrations, yay!

*Waaaaaaves to all!*

Silly Bean

2011-03-27T19:51:00.009+01:00

Hello!
Oh my God, so it's been aaaaages! @_@ I'd make some excuse about exams or something but I've totally slacked off work in the past few weeks so I can't even blame that. Never mind. I am here now. Here being home :D :D *YAY*
I should begin with the highlight of the past few weeks. Yes, it is food/drink related. Don't look at me like that.

Utter awesomeness :D Go to Cafe Nero and have Frappes.

In other news! Hello again. Since it's a picturey kind of post, this photo has no significance but I thought I'd post it anyway since it looks so pretty. I was walking back from uni through the decidedly creepy and deserted industrial estate near my house, and the sky just suddenly looked rather lovely, with all the dramatic rays of light(which you can't see too well here). So I took a photo. And several passing taxi drivers gave me weird looks.

It is also noteworthy to..note..that I am home now!!! The last week of term was a bit hectic, involving much food and late night work, but it finally got to Friday. And it took me a good 3 hours to pack (mainly due to my extended food break mid-packing...I get hungry! @_@). And I had to isolate a pile of revision books/folders to take home, which I'm going to work through over the next few weeks. And the size of the pile, which eventually became a highly unstable Leaning Tower of Pisa, made me laugh. So I took a photo of it. I present to you, some of the knowledge that I must cram into my head. (There's still more subjects to cover after Easter, so this isn't quite everything):

Oh! So I packed Friday night, and on Saturday my family were due to come. The plan was that we'd visit the Space Centre in leicester, which we'd been planning to go see for a while now. So I slept on Friday night in the knowledge that my internal body clock would get me up at about half 10, as usual.

...Skip to 11:46 on Saturday morning, and I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. In my sleepy confusion, I accidentally cut it of instead of answering, but saw it was my dad calling. I thought, they must've set off and have rung to tell me.

...And then there was a loud knock on my window. Note, my room is downstairs, so if someone knocks at my window, it means they've been ringing the doorbell for ages and have now resorted to the next best thing.

So I stumbled like a zombie to the front door and opened it and came face to face with my dad and my two brothers, who came face to face with what looked like a yeti in pyjamas. Their reaction was a slightly startled one.

So yeah! The lesson is, don't rely on your body clock ¬_¬ I had to speed dress/finish packing and we were out the door in 20 minutes.

On the plus, Leicester Space Centre is awesome! :D Planetarium and everything. And if anyone needs a free annual pass, just ask.

Oh, and I drove home, which was fun. Note: it was not fun. How is it fun to be going at 70mph in a very crushable metal box?! @_@

...And in other news, I made awesome Millies-style cookies on Sunday! I say Millies Style. I didn't follow the recipe- it said to use brown sugar and caster sugar, whereas all I had were Demerara and Granulated. So I used those instead. And instead of chocolate chips I cut up chunks of Galaxy chocolate :D An improvement, I feel. On the whole, they turned out pretty damn nice! :D Yay for a successful baking attempt!

I can't really think of anything else, so random bullet points it is:

One side of my face hurts

Let Go by Frou Frou is just awesome, as is the film Garden State

Aunty Em is a full on literal follower of my blog! Hello!! And she is helpful in pointing out potential blog material. :D

B&Q is second only to Matalan/Ikea as a great Eater of Souls.

I now possess a Matalan card, having made my first ever purchase from there @_@ I feel like I've lost a part of me.

...That is all! OH WAIT, since the Emadness added one of the two great Reliant K songs to his post, I shall add the other great one to mine :D

So I promise (emptily) that I shall blog within two weeks, and bid you all farewell!
:)

Life, the Universe and Everything.

2011-03-12T12:49:00.003Z

HELLO!
I know, I know, in my absence the blogging world became a desolate, post-apocalyptic desert, where hope and happiness ceased to exist. But I am back now, fear not.
So my last post was over a month ago- it's going to take some serious work to figure out what's happened since then...

Exams: I passed! Yaaaay :) Though a collective decision was made with the housemates to stuff ourselves on pizza the night before results, just in case we failed and couldn't have pizza after getting them. This worked out well. Pizza and general relief over two days

Wolves crew: Went home the weekend after results, for an extended 4 day weekend, which was utterly awesome. Highlights included Hasan (Now 5) calling me a princess (*Oh, stop it*); Baby Bear still going cross eyed when he eats; Baby Bear starting to walk a few steps at a time before wobbling and collapsing; my mum being awesome and buying avocado just for me (I LOVE AVOCADOES); Talking at Aunty Em whilst she drifted off to sleep; Spending an evening with Aunty Em, my youngest aunty, and baby cousins (this involved a lot of food being smeared over computers etc); and a trip to Bradford with my mum and ALL the aunties, which again involved baby cousins smearing food everywhere, and was rather funny. Oh, and eating was basically continuous over the four days. All in all, best weekend in a while :D

Hospital visits: Yes, so we've started going to the hospital one day a week, and this is eventful but very interesting! And I enjoy it more than I thought I would. Highlights from this have included doing a cardiovascular exam on a very cute old guy who kept trying to make me look at his stomach, and then decided he wanted me to see the scar in his groin @_@ Ouch. I mean, you scream, 'NO!' but sometimes it's just not quick enough. Another cringe moment was the doctor making all seven of us feel a woman's femoral pulse (Found by poking people deep in the groin) one by one. I felt more sorry for the woman, to be honest. She told me I had lovely cool hands @_@ Yes. That would be the excessive hand sweating due to mass nerves. At least I'll be a hit with the patients ¬_¬

Hospital clothes: I have had to dress smart for all the hospital visits. Which may make me look even shorter than I am. Ahem. And wearing a stethoscope round my neck just makes me feel like a fraud. Though I did work out a way of being able to wear my stethoscope under my scarf without trying out any of the complicated Youtube Tutorial ways! :D *Pride*

Student Selected Module: Arts in Medicine has been suspiciously easy so far... We've had 'fun' sessions where we've done creative writing, others where we've just watched videos of Medical dramas, and the next one is about humour in Medicine, and we've got to take in a funny clip from a medical programme. I mean, I'm enjoying it, but just waiting for the truckload of work to be dumped on me when it's time to do the 3000 word essay that will be the assessment for this module.

Parks and Recreation: Is officially brilliant :D I started watching it last year, then couldn't finish it because my computer died. But now I've caught up and it's just awesome. Watch Parks and Recreation! Almost as good/funny as the Office...

Newsnight: And other politics related issues,and ANYTHING to do with sports invariably makes me drowsy. Just no. Although I do now have a small understanding of terms like 'Innings' in cricket. And that is more than Enough. :)

Gone Baby Gone: is great. Though decidedly one of the most ultimately depressing films of all time.

Slobness: Clearly I have become a slob, judging by the last few points and how I do nothing other than sit on my bed and work, or sit on my bed and eat. But it's all good! :)

Stupid recurring headaches: I have had one every day of this week ¬_¬ Aside from becoming paranoid due to having studied the various sinister causes of a recurring headache, it is also just pissing me off. I am experimentally cutting out Robinsons Orange and Pineapple squash, despite it being amazing, just to see if that's causing it ¬_¬ More on this story later.

Childbirth video: ....Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that birth is a beautiful experience and the most magical thing in the world, etc. But when you get sat down in a lecture theatre, and they play you a video from the Seventies of a woman giving birth, and it pulls out all the stops because apparently as medical students we need ALL the gory details... I...Just... *Shudders*. @_@ I was not able to eat for several days.

And that's about it. Or the trauma of the video has erased anything else I was going to say. So yeah! I shall not leave it so ridiculously late to update next time! :)
*WAAAAVES*

Colour Coded Ringbinders and the smell of Sharpies.

2011-02-06T16:44:00.005Z

Hello world!
*resists urge to add 'I'm Tyrannosaurus Alan and I'm going to eat you for breakfast!'*
Ahem :)
Who'dve thought it's only been almost a fortnight since exams. It feels like YEARS ago. Why does it feel like years ago..? Well, because we were plunged straight back in at the deep end of work, with the only light at the end of the tunnel being summer. But who am I to complain... ¬_¬

Did I mention I got my student selected choice..? We got to choose one of the modules we'll study this semester. I got given the Arts in Medicine, which was my 2nd choice, but I'm fine with it :D This way I feel like fate handed it to me, rather than me outright asking to do it. And so I can explain this to people when they ask why the hell I'm doing it, and look at me in disgust when I venture forward that I enjoy reading. Secretly, I am rather enjoying it :D It's like English lessons all over again! YAY.

Oh! And we've fiiinally started going into hospitals for one day each week! Though the first proper ward session is this week so I shall write about how that goes next time. But yay/*nerves*!

My people and disease patient is in her seventies, and is addicted to playing Tomb Raider on her computer. How awesome is she?! :D

I socialised with people after exams! This was the first time I socialised with a group of people since starting uni, and I feel like it was a really great achievement for me. true, the group was made up of my housemates and a few others, so not that far out of my comfort zone, but still! Progress!

I am actually organised at this moment! All my notes for the first week, and my self study, have been completed! This is the first time ever that I have achieved such a feat, and it absolutely cannot last.

I have rediscovered Love Hearts! If you do not remember, they're the semi-fizzy sweets that have creepy messages on them. Such as 'heart throb'... @_@

Bought a pack of 7 tortilla wraps on Wednesday, and because they expire so quickly once you open them, I have had nothing but toasted wraps since. Yay.

Re-read my personal statement for the first time in aaaages. THAT was embarrassing. It's (not) funny just how desperate it sounded.

I discovered an English essay that I wrote in Year 10, when we were studying Othello- the essay was on Iago, who is essentially the evil villain. We were required to do about 2 sides. But I was so enthusiastic on the subject that I wrote 5 sides of A4 in size 10, with widened margins. Yay for being a Shakespeare freak!

Unstoppable is a great film! And actually stressed me out due to the unbearable tension. Why will the train not stop?! D:

Ease Up's 'If you only knew' is just awesome :D

I now own THE COOLEST pair of shoes ever! This link is the closest image I could get, but mine are more purple-y with white laces. Generally prettier.

Because I am so proud of having organised ALL my notes into ringbinders after exams (this kind of organisation is previously unheard of in...me), I am posting a photo! OBSERVE THE COLOURED RINGBINDERS. Ahem. I get a little excited about new stationery. There, Emad-ness. There is my tidy desk :D Though it now annoys me that the chair is slightly askew ¬_¬

I believe there is nothing else going on in my life at the moment... so shall leave it there, since the past several...okay, all of the bullet points have been fairly nothing-y.

So yeah! I am done. When more things happen to me, I shall begin writing more exciting blog posts.
Over and out!
:)

And...Breathe

2011-01-25T21:24:00.003Z

IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER!
Literally. I mean, my life could well be over as well as the exams, but one obstacle at a time. 3 weeks til results and I am determined to enjoy my life until that shadow draws near :D
How to start? Well, after getting ALL my work compressed into 3 massive ringbinders, which took 2 hours and absolutely did my back in, I am now ready to LIVE MY LIFE!
...For one day. Did I mention we get one day off before it's back to compulsory lectures on Thursday and Friday...? ¬_¬ The theiving gits.

So how shall I spend this one evening off, of the two I've got then?
Well, the answer is a housemate feast, because the answer is always a feast: Domino's pizza, garlic pizza bread, potato wedges, a huge bottle of coke, and 7 dips (don't ask, we had to make it up to £30 to get £15 off).
Oh, and Little Miss Sunshine :D AWESOME FILM.
Yay! So I shall see you on the other side of the food coma.
Hang in there, Emad-ness!
*waaaaaves*
:)

The 5 Stages of Grief- as applied to exams.

2011-01-20T02:09:00.004Z

1. Denial
Most likely phrase: "It's too early to revise, I'll just forget anything I learn now. Anyway, I deserve a damn holiday before I start."

Characterised by sitting at a desk, surrounded by textbook-skyscrapers to create the self-delusion of intended revision, whilst lost in BBC iPlayer/Youtube.

2. Anger
Most likely phrase: "Who's idea was it for me to do this shitty degree anyway?!"

Characterised by standing, pressed to the window of one's prison/bedroom, staring longingly at people walking outside, interspersed with bouts of rage-induced blood pressure spikes.

3. Bargaining
Most likely phrase: "Hello, God. Ahem...me again."

Characterised by making large donations to charity, and grand plans to use medical degree to cure cancer/travel to third world countries and vaccinate emaciated children.

4. Depression
Most likely phrase: "Are you going to eat that?"

Characterised by zombie-ridden nightmares, and life falling into a cycle of eat, sleep, study, with comfort being proportional to the amount of calories that can be acquired in one sitting.

5. Acceptance
Most likely phrase: "I heard they're looking for sales assistants at Gap."

Characterised by high pitched, slightly manic laughing fits and a silent, premature grief at the loss of one's summer holiday to the qualifying exam.

I'd say I'm smack bang in the middle of 4. Ah, well, can't be helped. *Goes to find more Maltesers*

*waves*
:)

Catastrophising.

2011-01-09T02:16:00.007Z

Yes. That time of year again. And to think, last June I thought life could not possibly get more stressful... ¬_¬ I now see that this will be an elevating pattern of stress over the next few years, provided I make it that far. And stress increase = not good, since my basal freak-out levels tend to be elevated anyway, and excuse the scienciness of the way I'm talking, I promise it will stop after exams.

*DEEP CALMING BREATH AND THOUGHTS OF FREEDOM*
Aaaand...exhale.

Yeah! Loving life at the moment. I have spent almost every day of the last 3 weeks of this 'holiday' confined to the bloody spare room (which I took over since it's more roomy, ahem), staring at the four walls and thinking about how I am slowly melting into a pile of fatness due to my only activities being eating/sitting/eating/sleeping. So to all the people out there who ask me how long I've got off from uni, and then when I say a month, raise your eyebrows and make snarky comments about how some of us work, SOD OFF.

(Not that that's aimed at anyone in particular, seriously, I'm just inexplicably angry these days.)

And my leg aches and I'm sure it's due to the calcium deficiency coupled with my inactivity over the last four weeks... :| OSTEOPOROSIS.

And I was listening to my heart recently (randomly, out of interest, because I am THAT damn exciting a person), and I noticed that my heart was skipping every five beats or so, and it'd been at least ten hours since I had pepsi, so it couldn't be the caffeine @_@ I get palpitations all the time, and I know you get them because of stress, but the hypochondriac in me is going a bit haywire. Which stresses me more. Which gives me more palpitations. Which scares me. Vicious cycle.

And what PISSES ME OFF about these exams (because no, none of the above was me being pissed off) is that I've BARELY seen my family/wider family, so WHAT WAS THE POINT OF IT BEING A HOLIDAY. PISS OFF UNIVERSITY. NOBODY LIKES YOU ANYWAY. PFFFFFT.

And what's more, despite having spent all that time stuck indoors learning shit which will undoubtedly be important at some point but which just seems pointless just yet (ions in the kidney...really?!) I can't remember any of it. Every time I spring a question on my unsuspecting brain, it just stares at me in a dead kind of way which makes me want to cry/burn things.

So...yeah. *Restrains self from several other 'AND ANOTHER THING-'s*

In other news! Or rather...the...three or so days I had off from medicine which has consumed my life and soul and is slowly eating away at my brain.

I met up with Jenny and Bryony! That's right! BOTH! This was awesome as it was the first reunion of our three musketeer/fellowship/thingy since before we started uni. I let out an involuntary squeal in the bus station when I saw Bryony, which startled an old man and for which I was HIGHLY embarrassed. And...yeah, it was rather lovely, being the first day in the holidays that I wasn't consumed by revision notes. Eating/reminiscing/gossiping/Frappe-ing/window-shopping/buying colourful bangles....all made it a great day :D

WOLVES!! Yep, we went down to Wolves and stayed overnight, and this was just awesome :D Baby Bear has developed a habit of going cross eyed whenever he's eating anything (we're not sure if it's concentration...or he just loves the food so much he loses interest in keeping his eyes straight). This never gets old to watch. Aunty Em and I had a great catch-up, and she made some pretty damn amazing food @_@ Let's face it..most of the time was spent eating. :D Hasan spent the weekend being quietly stressed at all the mess, like the OCD child he is :) Bless.

My computer...Dug...bless his heart, started crashing and I suspected it was due to the virus issue that was never resolved, so due to the irreversible corruption, I have a new computer! Tis rather damn pretty, it has swirly patterns :D Can't think of a name...I think a female name would be better due to the prettiness, but I am oh so tempted to call it Billy... :)

OH I NEVER MENTIONED, The Wolves trip was more like a family road trip, due to the...well..whole family going. We had a convoy (as is custom for Asians) of four cars, and in our seven seater were the five of us and my grandparents. And my dad said I should drive @_@ Which I didn't mind- I've motorway-ed before, but just never with six other souls on my conscience. Ahem. My grandma, bless her, literally prayed the whole time I was driving, and my grandad, who was sat in front with me, dared not talk in case I get distracted and veer off the motorway. It all went fine (two near death misses, one my fault, ahem) and I successfully drove for two hours before we had to stop at services and my dad offered to swap with me due to me shaking due to the near death experience that was not my fault. Ahem.

Christmas/New Years TV was a bit...awful, was it not? Apart from Doctor Who, obviously..but even that, I didn't like too much... It was too Russel T Davies for me. I expect Steven Moffat's stuff to be darker/eerier/less...cheesy. Still, NEW SERIES SOON...ISH :D

Some people need to watch Life On Mars ¬_¬

I WATCHED INCEPTION FINALLY AND IT WAS AMAZING

Do you see what my life has become?! @_@

Oh, and the highlight of the week..? Colouring in. Yes. And it is a sad state of affairs when I enjoy colouring in, trust me. Usually gives me a blood pressure spike since I don't have the patience. Don't get me wrong, colours are great, but once I've filled out the outlines of things, I can't be arsed with the rest. Behold, then, the awesome masterpiece that I like to call....'The GIT' (Gastrointestinal Tract. Ahem.)

Yeah...that's about all I have to say, since my brain has started calculating how much work I could've got done in this time, and it is not a good thought, so before the guilt becomes too much for me, I shall leave you and wish all of you (all...two of my readership that have exams) the bestest of luck and by that I mean not sleeping in/losing understanding of English/being crushed by an anvil/other visions that I have had as a result of my catastrophising. Just...yeah. I hope the mutual zombieness pays off.

In a while! Hopefully when I'm less...just....less of a disaster. :)

Everything is cool, dude.

2010-12-13T22:11:00.008Z

If I could be bothered to look back at my last post, I might have avoided repeating myself here, since I can't for the life of me remember when I last updated it. But the tabs open now and I just do not have the mental strength. So apologies in advance for potential repetition and hello!
I suppose the biggest news over the last several weeks was the AWESOME SNOWFALL that drove our country to a standstill! Or did it...?

Exhibit A: The snow in sunny West Yorkshire..Yes. Almost a foot deep, and this was when it was melting. I walked through that field and it was filling my shoes!

Exhibit B: The pathetic dusting that Leicester received.I mean COME ON. Just...man up, for God's sake!
So yes. I was more than a little annoyed at being in the only place in Britain where you couldn't make a snowman for that entire fortnight. Pfft, is all I have to say.

In other news:

I received the most awesome parcel EVER from my aunty Em and since I'm in a picture mood, I'm just going to put in the photo I took of the contents!!

CHOCOLATE LOLLIES! And general penguin related chocolate!! And long socks! And- okay, all of it. THANK YOU AUNTY EM. It totally made my week :D

Crosswords are still fun and not lame in the slightest.

I am in possession of the best anatomy book ever which was a rather lovely surprise. Though it says a lot that I've sunk to the kind of lows where anatomy textbooks make me happy. But they do! :D

I have had nutella on toast for breakfast for 6 straight weeks and am a little scared that it may be having a detrimental effect on my health but am not scared enough to stop having it just yet. It's just too awesome.

Ben and Jerrys half baked is amazing. Just amazing.

I have stopped putting the effort into cooking, despite all the fantastic recipes given to me, and have resorted to frozen dinners. I am hoping (hoping) that this is just because it's the leadup to Christmas, and that I will regain some stamina next semester.

I chose a module to study! Ie we get to choose a student selected module to study after christmas. Don't know what I'm getting just yet (we had to pick 4 preferences) so I shall blog about that in more detail when I know... ooh, I've never left a cliffhanger before. Exciting stuff. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK etc.

I really, reeeeally need to break up, but the prospect of a month of solid revision isn't too fantastic.

The prospect of Wolves on Christmas is far more fantastic :D

There is a theatre near university that I had to attend for a shitty 'question time' style debate as part of one of our modules, but the highlight of my day was seeing this poster on the wall:

IT'S ELMER!! None of the other elephants appreciated his brilliant multicolouredness BUT I DO! :D Want to see it so incredibly badly but it's on the day after I break up and not even the prospect of free food could keep me from going home. The fact that it's showing at all is actually enough for me :)

2 MORE NIGHTS LEFT TIL I BREAK UP! Not mathematically inaccurate if you think about it, (though some people can't handle this), because today doesn't count, and neither does tomorrow or Wednesday because they're non-days, so...2 nights! :D My logic is flawless.
I have a (sort of) nephew! I shall be the awesome aunty who spoils him completely :D

That's about all I have to say, again with the sense that I've left out something incredibly important...but I'm sure it'll come to me.

I leave you with further brilliance. Over and out :D

Silver Lining People

2010-11-24T23:15:00.003Z

HELLO!
A legitimate greeting and never-overused part of conversation.

So I feel I should address the elephant in the room *Refrains from writing 'turns to elephant and says 'hello' *

I know. I apologise profusely for my extreme lameness, but it seemed funny when I thought of it... *hangs head*

Well.. I guess it's not an elephant to anyone but me, but still: So the taking part in November's National Novel Writing Month failed, since I failed to even initiate an attempt to write a novel. This was not due to laziness, more...lack of any ideas for a novel whatsoever, and also, a lack of time in which to live my life, due to some stupid uni course I'm doing ¬_¬ Pfft.

So yeah, now that that awkward explanation is out of the way...

Most significant event in my last fortnight: 4 DAY WEEKEND AT HOME! HELL YES.
Most significant addition to event: WOLVES CREW HIJACKING OUR HOUSEHOLD FOR EID.

Yes! So the 4 day weekend was spent eating, eating, eating, eating and eating. And the quickest Eid-clothes shopping trip ever was had with my mum: we drove to Bradford, walked into a shop, saw a dress, agreed it was nice, paid for it and walked back out. THAT is how Bradford shopping trips should go. In fairness, my mum and I spent an extra half hour on the way back being lost and ending up near Huddersfield before we finally gave up and used the Sat Nav, but that doesn't matter. All the fun's in the journey anyway..

Monday was night-before-Eid frenzy: I started out baking willingly, because I thought I should at least try to have some enthusiasm. So I told my mum I'd try it, which was a pleasant surprise for her as she is aware of the hate-hate affair that is me and baking, and let her go to pick the brother up whilst I made a start. And it started well! I made some awesome chocolate buns, decorated them to perfection... and then had a sudden stress meltdown when my chocolate brownie mixture overflowed and coated the inside of the oven. This was the end of all forced-enthusiasm. My mum walked back in half an hour later:

Humaira: THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE END.
Mum: Erm... what?
H: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF BAKING. I DO NOT WANT TO BAKE NOW OR EVER AGAIN.
M: But you said-
H: I WAS LYING TO MYSELF
I dramatically threw down my oven gloves as my mum looked around in a puzzled way, having noticed the newly chocolate-coated kitchen. I announced (again, for dramatic effect) that this was the end, and flounced (awesome word) out of the kitchen.

I think I have a mood swing problem :/

The day was not a total disaster due to the arrival of the wolves crew in the evening, which consisted of:

Hasan giving my knees a thoroughly good hug and telling them he had missed them.
Baby Bear...just...being adorable in various ways (in pyjamas *melts*)
Me refusing to put mehndi on anyone because I was waaaay too sleepy and just pfft.

Eid day then!

I finally resolved to carry the black and silver handbag which my aunty got me about 5 years ago- I've never in my life carried a handbag (more a satchel person..ahem), but since it's a gift and it's pretty, I had intended to carry it on at least one special occasion. The two occasions in the past where I've decided to use it were somehow jinxed, and for some reason or other I was foiled both times. So this, I thought, was the day. My clothes were black and silver, it matched, nothing could stop me!

... Except, it seems, my complete lack of knowledge of how to be a girl. Yes. I am unaware of how to carry a handbag (it's one with a short strap), so I felt (and looked) like a complete plank. Therefore I carried it for the minute it took me to leave the house and get in the car to go to my grandmas, and the bag spent the rest of Eid lying in a corner. Yes. So that was a fail... or a win. Well...being a girl fail, but dignity win. I never want to even attempt to carry one again. Just eww. Satchels all the way!

Every single Eid we say we want to go to White Rose (just for something to do), and every single Eid, talking about it is as far as we get. But this Eid, Aunty Em was here, and she said NOT THIS TIME. And so she pulled some strings (or rather, shouted at everyone to get out of their food-comas and get ready), and within an hour, nine of us girls were on the road, thoroughly overdressed and still in semi comas! The walk around White Rose lasted 45 minutes, most of which was spent in Dorothy Perkins (new favourite store EVER), in which time I acquired an AWESOME new scarf. Yay!

The drive back consisted of me repeatedly saying 'I'm going to miss my train', and my mum speeding. We screeched to a halt outside my house, I ran upstairs, changed my clothes and packed in seven minutes flat, then ran back down so we could rocket-ship over to my grandmas. I speed-hugged everyone in my family in under a minute, and then me, the parents and the brothers hopped into the car. It's the first time I've had a full family send-off from the station, or at all actually, and I've got to say it was an awesome end to an awesome day :D

So I've been back and working and working and working and working- *snaps out of loop* since last Tuesday. In other news:

Crosswords are awesome, and not lame in the slightest! (But only when your brain is not failing to remember that English is your first language and therefore you should probably know some of it).
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (Or Harry Potter and the Death as it came up on the cinema timetable screen) is actually a decent film! I mean, I know they get better each time, but that hasn't stopped them from being shit films. Finally, however, they have made one that isn't exactly great, but has at least passed the acceptable mark! And it only took them 7 attempts ¬_¬ Gits.
Some people are getting snow and this is totally not fair ¬_¬
I am a silver lining person. Yep.
I started having salad! Alongside other food, mind, I'm not being a complete herbivore. But I have taken a great liking to lettuce, cherry tomatoes, and sliced avocado.

And that is all I have to say!
This is awesome, and dedicated to Aunty Em, for the nostalgia :D
*WAAAAVES*
:)

The art of properly expressing the word 'Grotesque'.

2010-11-13T03:05:00.004Z

So yes, hello! I am blogging due to overdue-ness, and also a desperate comment from my Aunty Em on the previous blog post, pleading with me to post another rambling mess of verbal diarrhoea. Yes, in those words. :)

So what has been happening in life, the universe and everything? Or rather, what can I remember?

BIRTHDAYNESS!

I turned 20! This event, which has alwas been highly unlikely, and thus generally viewed with a sort of scathing disbelief, marks the end of my hellish teenage years! Nothing particularly felt different on the day (I always expect a huge life-changing feeling on my birthdays and am always slightly disappointed at the lack of internal drama), so it was hard to really 'feel' 20, until my grandma was sending the kids out of the room because the women were having some secretive discussion about marriage. My grandma sent each child out, finally looking at me and going, 'You too, H-.... actually, no, you can stay.'

The moment was felt by everyone. It is a pivotal point in life when you're allowed to sit in on marriage related discussions that the kids shouldn't hear. *Nods*

Some AWESOME presents were received, including (the purple/shiny) half of the stock of Dorothy Perkins, all of which I love :D Further awesomeness included a book by Michael Chabon that some randomer sent that is proving to be brilliant so far (Thank you randomer, whoever you are :) ) And a DVD set that has yet to be watched. Oh, and I should mention the many Penguin related items including a Snowcone maker in the shape of a penguin, and a HUGE very huggable penguin, who remains unnamed as of yet. I think being obsessed with things makes you very easy to buy for. THANK YOU WORLD.

Wow. Materialism win :) Still, *warm and fuzziness*. It was nice to be home. And it feels nice to not add 'teen' to the end of my age. That was getting old. I always kind of hoped I'd be a shiny happy brand new person by the time I was twenty, which isn't really working out, but baby steps and all that.

2 Home Weekends in a Row.

Is always a win! It was a last minute decision but I am definitely liking it :) And have been overfed and have definitely counteracted the weight loss that has been gradually occurring over 6 weeks. Loving that Eid is approaching and it looks like most of the family will be reunited for it, which is a win also! :D YAY (Though I lack Eid clothes...ah well)

Paranormal Activity

Was watched last night, with the dad and brother. And I lost about 3 lives watching it. I ended up pulling the blanket over my head and blocking my ears for the last ten minutes because I found it far too scary. Though I can see why some people just found it laughable- it depends on how far you let your imagination run away with you. I slept with the lights on.

Revision

Coming up with novel ways to remember the functional groups on amino acids is fun! :D

Cake

Yes! I made cake for my mum's birthday, from scratch, and am proud, even though it looks a mess! So I have photos:

Yay for untidy sandwich cake which manages to look slightly like a mushroom!!

Random fact:

Hypoglycaemia can be mistaken for drunkenness due to it causing confusion/disorientation, which means that junior doctors could make a potentially fatal error in not recognising that the quiet drunk who comes into A&E could be on the verge of slipping into a coma :| Ouch.

DAMMIT there was something else! *thinks*

......*Thinks*
OH, Due Date!

Is funny, but not as good as Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Usually I hate it when people compare two films like that, it feels unfair. But Due Date seemed to have taken certain scenes from PT&A (yes, laziness), word for word, so clearly they should've just marketed it as a remake. And since they were trying to be a remake, it's fair to say they weren't as good. I'm just hoping Robert Downey Jr doesn't go down the Will Smith road of appearing in shit films and saving them due to his presence. :| Still, watching Due Date was fun due to it being a housemate trip :D

24 Hour Tech Hotlines

Are great, and much needed when it comes to anything that involves electricity.

Sheltered lives.

Apparently- no, wait, okay, I accept that I have lived in a bubble my entire life, and have no general knowledge, and even less current affairs knowledge. All the things I know tend to be specialised around things I am obsessed with. I AM HAPPY LIKE THAT. I would rather spend my time writing stories in my head and daydreaming than thinking about politics/the world. Escapism is where it's at ¬_¬ No, this was not aimed at anyone in particular. Nor was it defensive due to people continually making me feel stupid. Ahem.

Pickled Chillis.

Are nice with anything! As are avocados. *General food love*

I feel that I am done here. We just can't go on like this etc :)

See also: My lack of chances of survival in a potential fight to the death, "Back the shit up!", new baby cousins, "Yeeeeeaaah", "Nasty", "Totally", "Self-loathing", Deer in headlights, Facebook Politics, Topaz birthstones, and just for the nostalgia, "It makes my heart flutter".

Over and out! :)

4 letters: "Big cat".... Nonplussed silence

2010-10-26T23:18:00.001+01:00

Yes. Doing crosswords across a distance of about 200 miles is incredibly sad, and yet fun! As demonstrated by my now-ruined refill pad, which is what happens when the other person has the actual crossword in front of them:

So yeah! In other news, life is going... well, it's just going. Literally, seeping away. We're in week 4 already: WHAT THE HELL.
I have been alternating between full on end-of-life depression and I-can't-do-this-I'm-in-the-wrong-degree, full on end-of-life stress and oh-my-god-my-brain-just-set-on-fire, and (very rarely- well, just once actually) full on manic happiness and hello-world-I'm-Tyrannosaurus-Alan-and-I'm-going-to-eat-you-for-breakfast. It was a sunny day. It had weird effects on me.

Yeah. It's been a wreck month due to work overload and life deprivation, and I've realised for definite I can't do longer than fortnights because I start unconsciously rocking and talking to myself towards the end of the second week and I don't want to see what would happen to me if I tried to stay a bit longer.

I have been trying to do better, though. Naturally, being a wreck in the beginning of year 2 doesn't bode well for year 3, 4, 5 and life. So I attempted to take measures to de-stress: I have officially started morning walks! Well.. on days when the weather isn't wet, because that'd be even more depressing. But still! It's nice to be alone and mentally write stories and..you know..be weird. I had another de-stress measure but have forgotten it, DAMMIT. Though I was also thinking of trying a new skill- Jamie gave me the instructions for a crochet penguin, so I'm going to teach myself crocheting :D And learning sign language would be awesome too... But that's probably unrealistic what with the lack of time to even eat these days.

Did I mention I'd developed a tea addiction? I don't even like tea :| I swore I never would, but it's because I've stopped having Pepsi, and so I think my brain just susbtituted it with another addiction. :/ Fail.
I shall make a list of things that have cheered me up recently in order to make this more upbeat!

Seeing the family and the Wolves crew this weekend- Catching up with the brothers and dad, my mum falling asleep on my bed (and me almost falling off) on Friday night, chatting with Aunty Em until 4am, having very strange conversations with Hasan; the birthday party and Hasan's Toy Story cake (!!!), and just appreciating how adorable and bear-like Baby Bear is.

Making notes with my coloured pens which are AWESOME, and make notemaking so much more bearable! :D

200 mile crosswords and other sad things

....That's about it! I feel saddened by this knowledge. Still, they were damn good in themselves.

I have nothing more of interest left to say. I wish I did, because you know, I like to ramble, but there's nothing. Unless I've forgotten it... That's pretty likely. My brain is frazzled.

A good endpoint, I believe. My brain is frazzled. I will blog more comprehensively when I can think in a more linear fashion.

OVER AND OUT before I bore even myself to death! :)
*waaaaves*

The Spider Crusades

2010-10-08T12:47:00.000+01:00

SO, I have officially been here for a week and...2 days! And am going home today, hence delirious happiness, so let me sum up the past week and a bit whilst the mood is all good.

The house is quite awesome, and cosy, and little. My room has been made all homely with my own cushions and duvet, and black and white New York skyline posters, and is close to the kitchen and bathroom so I don't have to really move much at all :) Which is the best way.

My housemates are lovely, and this means I actually feel comfortable, which is amazing. Seriously, I'm so happy that I can leave my room, as opposed to last year when I used to have panic attacks about going into the kitchen (See previous blog posts for evidence of this). I didn't realise how much pressure that was putting on me last year, but the contrast now is huge.

We had a slight...spider incident. It transpired as follows (because I'm a bit addicted now to these step by step scenes)

9:30am. H wakes up facing the ceiling, and sees what appears to be a massive black hand with too many fingers, crouching on aforementioned ceiling. Right above H.

H has a silent heart attack.

Somehow, H slides out of bed and moves, camouflage style, out of room to go and get J (Housemate).
H: I really, really need your help with something.
J: ... :| ?
H: There is a. Huge. Spider. On my ceiling.
J: Oh God... I'll get the broom.
(It is important to note that at this point neither of us knew where the vacuum cleaner was, because we'd just moved in and couldn't find it anywhere. Hence the broom.)

J enters H's room, brandishing broom. Sees spider.
J: Holy F***

Several moments of hysterical nervous chatter and in J's case, semi screaming, about how to do this. It is decided that H will leave the room, since her legs are actually shaking and the adrenaline dump has turned her to jelly, whilst J will attack the spider. The two girls say their last goodbyes.

J: You will owe me your life for this.
H: I will. You will be my hero.

H steps out into hallway. Distant sound of J psyching herself up and muttering swear words.

J: *SCREAMS AND CRASHING SOUNDS* OH F***, NO! ARGH! NO! S***! ARGH!

(In J's defence, she's the mildest person on the planet and I've never heard her swear before in the year that I've known her. These were very individual circumstances)
H runs back into room: What! What the hell happened?!
J, still hysterical and screaming: OH MY GOD I DID IT ITS DEAD BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.

Moment of pure horror.
H: You mean it's here somewhere and it's Not. Dead.?!
J: I...I think it's dead... It fell...? :|
H looks around at empty floor. Something huge and black shifts slowly behind the bookcase.
H: Oh Shit
J screams for a short while: OKAY, OKAY I'm going to do it. You shift the bookcase and I'll kill it
H's legs are giving out, so she leans against bed, and braces self, and shifts bookcase. The huge black thing runs out into the open.
Spider runs out into hallway like a huge black..spidery thing. J chases after it (it is so huge that it's actually faster than her) with the broom, the crashing sounds alternating with screams to the effect of: OH F*** NO ARGH NO ARGH KILL IT KILL IT OH NO-
Then.. J: It's done. Oh, god, oh, god it's done *Voice actually cracks into tears*

Both girls reunite, totally shellshocked and shaking like leaves.
H: You are my hero. I owe you my life.
J: You do.

There were actually two further spider incidents the very same day- one was BIGGER than the one in my room, and was in the housemate's room, and since I owed her my life, I had to do the honours. Suffice it to say I lost another life. The next spider was found half an hour later, but was only a quarter of the size, so by then we were no longer spider amateurs. We could handle it. Seriously though, absolute terror. The house hadn't been disturbed in several months, so clearly they all came out into the open when we started shifting stuff around. No further incidents as of yet :|

Continuing with my bullet points then!

I didn't have Pepsi in a whole week, because I thought a great way to curb the addiction was to just not buy myself any. Which worked fine until I was tempted on Wednesday @_@ With a buy 1 get 1 free offer. Still, I don't actually want any more so it might just work!

Making my own food is weeeeeeeeeeeeeird. But awesome. I haven't really *cooked* anything as of yet, I've just been making sandwiches and grilling them (in my AMAZING George Foreman mini grill), or stirring sauces into pasta. But next week I shall! Yay! And Aunty Em, I shall be using those recipes *thumbs up*.

We started uni on Monday, and this semester looks like actual murder. Every module just looks horrendously hard, with waaay too much to learn and some seriously difficult stuff. My spare time for the next year has gone down the drain, but at leats I had a nice holiday where I did enough nothingness to make up for this year :)

I'm going to be 20 in less than a month! :O WHAT THE HELL, MAN.

Oh yeah: I had to go to the hospital to get assigned a patient, and whilst sat in the hospital cafe, I was thinking about stereotypes, because we had a lecture on how we stereotype people the day before. And so I was trying not to judge people because, you know, that's kind of what you do when you start people watching. However, this is more difficult than one thinks, especially when people conform to their stereotype so well. There were actually tables of the different groups in the cafe:

On the furthest table from me sat the Junior Doctors: All with stethoscopes round their necks, wafer-thin, rubbing their eyes, eating like they hadn't in days, and nervously chattering whilst throwing venomous glances over at the other tables.
On the opposite side of the cafe sat the trainee surgeons: all in scrubs, with a faintly cut throat look in their eyes when they looked at each other. None of them were smiling, their hair was messed up from their caps, and clearly, none of them had slept. Probably ever.
There was a tableof the doctors who were out of their Foundation years, and clearly training towards being consultants: all had lost their hair, or had lost most of it and then shaved their heads, despite being relatively young. All wore stripy half sleeved shirts and glasses. I mean, what was going on?!
Then there was the consultants table: all in ill-fitting suits (ill fitting because they were seriously overweight), and eating with complete disregard of each other, or of the longing glances they were getting from the younger doctors.

I was very amused. Clearly, the heirarchy still exists, and clearly people sometimes just grow into stereotypes, no matter how much they don't want to be pigeonholed.

So that is the end of me rambling, despite feeling like there were other major things I had to write. Still. I shall include them next time when I remember them.

Also, this is an AWESOMELY feel good song. :D :D And he has a great voice.

*WAVES*
:)

Relocation and all it's hellish accompaniments.

2010-09-26T16:22:00.000+01:00

Hello!
This post marks the dying days of the longest, laziest holiday I've ever had, and probably ever will have. I am suitably mood-swing-y to fit the occasion.

So before rushing into talking about uni, I should make a record on my blog of "the event" which took place last week. It transpired as follows:
21:00: I am sat on bed, and room is dark, and I realise I cannot see and should probably turn a light on.

21:01: Illogically, I draw the blinds, sending the room into pitch darkness, before stepping down off the bed to go and switch the light on.

21:01 On stepping down off the bed, I experience the strange and not entirely pleasant sensation of stepping on an upturned plug, far too forcefully.

21:02 Remaining silent, whilst screaming very short words in my head, I limp over to the light , switch it on, and find that there is not only a hole in my sock, but a fairly deep hole in the bottom of my foot as well. Hop back over to the bed and sit down, by which time my foot has realised that it should be bleeding, and begins to do so with great enthusiasm.

21:07: Still sat on the bed, wondering how the hell to attract any attention, since everyone is busy, and if I try to walk I will make the laminate look like a massacre. At this point I become quite giddy (I do start laughing in a nervous, hyper manner if something's very painful) and am doing the Michael Macintyre shit-non-laugh, at the strangeness of the situation.

21:10: Hop in a bloodied manner over to parents' room, where mum proceeds to make horrified noises and announces that she cannot look, whilst dad tries to clean up the cut with a wet tissue, which stings like hell and makes me start crazy-laughing again. He then attaches the biggest dressing possible and tells me to go sit down and avoid plugs.

Friday --------->Tuesday: I remain housebound, literally sat on my bed for hours and hours and hours, unable to put any kind of weight on my foot. Hop downstairs occasionally for food, but otherwise remain sat, watching The Office and Community, without which I would have gone mad. Bless them.

Now: Have been able to walk with a slight limp since Tuesday, though it's still very obviously going to scar and hasn't healed yet. Still, I've never really been injured, so thought I'd milk the hell out of the one time I did :D Good, if not painful, stuff.

Now onto university packing, which I was not able to proceed with until I regained the ability to walk:
It basically boils down to me packing my whole life into one large purple suitcase, another very large black sports bag, and several of those bags-for-life from various supermarkets. This took hours, since I spent too much time procrastinating and just moving stuff from one bag into another. My room was depressingly bare by yesterday.

Yesterday then involved moving all said stuff into the house I shall be living in, which is very nice and small and cosy and, thank God, clean and spider free (touchwood). So I have now made my new room all homely, yay. And tomorrow I'm going for good :| Well, as long as I can stand it. So that will be fun... briefly solo living and all that. And cooking. Woo.

Note: I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK.
Yes, I'm having regular changes of mood between godawful dread, and a sort of nervous okay-ness. If I didn't have to encounter any people, it'd be fine. Gawd. Several months of absolute shunning the world has made me even worse with social skills, so talk about being chucked in at the deep end :| Ouch.

I will of course blog again once I have destroyed the kitchen due to my failed attempts at cooking. Woo. So standby for that (Y).
And now I must proceed with my mental farewell to my chav hometown, in all her shit glory. *SIGH*
Over and out!

Over six weeks, more cough medicine has reached the draining board/floor than has reached my mouth.

2010-09-14T18:39:00.000+01:00

Admittedly a rather strange title, but what the hell, when a random thought occurs to you like that, your first subsequent thought is obviously, 'Now THAT shall be the title of my blog'. Or is that just me..? These things usually are :/

So, straight to the matter at hand: Eid! Or more excitingly, the night before Eid, because I think it's universally agreed that nothing much happens on the actual day other than eating, and planning to go out but then eating again instead.

For us, the night before Eid is inevitably VERY VERY stressful. This is because my mum and brother become very enthusiastic about baking, and decide to bake everything in the recipe book, and then decorate with every kind of sprinkle under the sun. I despise baking and would rather make one simple thing and then leave the kitchen. My mum's enthusiasm for having something baked clashes with the stress of having to make fifty other things for the next day as well. This causes several rifts.
It is fair to say that by one in the morning the brothers had sodded off to bed, whilst my mother and I were at opposite ends of the kitchen with electric tension crackling between us, staring each other out with mad eyes and heat-induced afros. The kitchen was a bomb site of dough stuck to the floor, flour strewn across all surfaces, decorative sprinkles scattered in various locations, half-marinated chicken drumsticks dripping yoghurt onto the sideboard, and burning onions. And yet, on the table between myself and my mother's forcefield of stress, sat a nice pile of baked buns/muffins/cake.
I shouted that I had yet to put some mehndi on my mum. She shouted that she didn't want any on. I shouted that I wasn't putting any on either then. She shouted don't be stupid. I shouted so now you're calling me stupid. And so on. In the middle of us stood my grandma, who, unable to understand the English, and the fact that my mother and I are both very hot-headed and shouting matches like this are trivial, was attempting to make peace between us, worried that we were going to start throwing heavy kitchen utensils at each other. It's all in the fun of Eid. :) Don't worry, we'd calmed down by the time we got upstairs. She even persuaded me to put some mehndi on- I could do hers the next day.

So here is the nicest tasting thing I baked (chocolate buns with melted Galaxy chocolate chunks with chocolate frosting and chocolate buttons on top). I took the best (ie chocolate) aspects from several recipes and combined them. Ahem.

They were pretty nice. And yes, that is the party tablecloth that my mum loves to put down on Eid. (We never really grow up.) But I still vow not to bake again until next Eid. The stress kills me.

Eid day itself consisted of blurry eyed sleepiness, since I'd only slept two hours, then baking again, then cooking various things, then finally changing from bleary-eyed-floury-pyjamas-me into uncomfortably-jazzed-up-me. On the plus side I got to wear bangles, which I have formed a strange attachment to, even if my hands are too fat to remove them without the help of hand cream :(

We spent the day at my grandmas, everyone getting together and wasting no time in sitting down and eating everything that had been made. Which of course is fun until you are insulted publicly by certain relatives ¬_¬ BUT we don't take these things personally. PFFT. Myself and the (NICE) cousins became so bored that we went on an acquire-ice-cream trip, which was just peachy. And the day got even slower, as everyone dropped off one by one into comas following the ingestion of more food than they'd had in the previous month altogether.

And that was Eid: We went nowhere, did nothing, and were vaguely uncomfortable in our clothes, but it was still, incredibly, a lot of fun :D Wolves crew, you were bitterly missed :(

Other noteworthy things, which are not Eid related (because, yes, I'm in the mood for rambling. Again.):

I have discovered that the word 'Lund' (The name of my old chemistry teacher/Satan) still evokes a physiological reaction in me, causing my arterioles to narrow, and my total peripheral resistance to increase, thus increasing my blood pressure (HELL YES REVISION WIN). I discovered this because the brother (who now has him- Happy fate) was complaining about him in very short, one syllable words, and as I listened I actually felt that familiar old rage within myself. I don't know what I'd do if I ever saw him again. Most likely just spontaneously combust.
Speaking of blood pressures, a random man with a clipboard accosted, yes, accosted me in the street today and asked me if I wanted my blood pressure checked. Aside from the obvious, 'WHAT'RE YOU TRYING TO SAY, MATEY? DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED IT CHECKING?!' I was unsure how to respond, so threw him off by saying, 'Actually, I am able to take my own ¬_¬'. This puzzled him sufficiently to make him go away.
Despondent Medic is responsible for my rediscovering of Neil Gaiman :D I've read one book of his a while back, and always intended to read more, and am now a bit hooked. Legend of an author. Thank you muchly.
The Emad-ness likes to wear a low hat and sunglasses and hide in his car near public buildings. I don't think I need to insinuate any more here :) Much fun was had rediscovering every good track in the universe, for nostalgia reasons.
Mark Wahlberg is the cheaper, 'Lidl' version of Matt Damon.
Baby Bear looks incredibly cute with a bubble bath beard. As does Hasan in a school uniform. *Sniff* And Aunty Em is far better at baking than any of her neices, however Delia they try to be ¬_¬ Pfft.

OKAY, OKAY, I'M DONE!
*Waaaaaves*

Not too Shabby (Recycled title, because I love that damn phrase)

2010-09-03T16:10:00.000+01:00

Hello! (Warning- this is a horrendously long post because I'm in a rambly mood)
Before I go into the actual point of this post (food...obviously), I should make a record of todays events: Our mosque doesn't usually cater for women, but on the last Friday of Ramadhan they clear out a floor so the women can read Jummah. So myself, the mother, the cousin and the grandma went along. For one, it was WEIRDLY nostalgic- I used to go there every day after school until I was seven, and I remember everything looking huge. Such as the great big chasm of a staircase leading down to the mosque entrance. Now I realise it's just five small steps and a little, worn-out doorway. The Great Hall where we used to sit is just a small-ish room, and the intensely mysterious 'corridor' which I used to sneak off to explore under the pretence of going to the toilet, is just..well..the corridor to the mosque kitchen. I think I preferred my childhood outlook :)

Then there were the women. My grandma knows pretty much everyone, so countless women who I do not know were randomly shaking my hand as they came by to meet her (I don't think many of them knew who I was either). Hand shaking: fine. Very nice, pleasant and over and done with very quickly. What I do NOT appreciate is situations like this:
Unknown lady approaches Grandma: How are you?! So nice to see you!
Humaira sits, minding own business.
Without warning, Humaira's head is gripped in a vice hold and turned almost 180 degrees, to breaking point of her neck.
Unknown lady, currently breaking Humaira's neck: AND WHO ARE THESE GIRLS?! ARE YOU [insert father's name]'S DAUGHTER?!

Humaira (mentally): YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT MY HEAD DO NOT DECAPITATE ME
Humaira (out loud, in strangled tone): YES, YES I AM.
Several seconds of unknown lady just observing, whilst maintaining her death grip, then letting go.
Humaira whimpers in pain and curls into a ball as Unknown lady initiates a similar attack on the cousin, who is brain damaged following the severity of the event.

Yes. The joys of community.

SO, back to the point! I had to blog, because *that* day finally arrived. Yes. I made food willingly! True, it was only falafels, which aren't very hard to make, but if you had observed the burnt-to-a-crisp messes that all my previous cooking attempts have become, you would understand the achievement here.
The adventure, a tour de force of tears, laughs and sheer adrenaline thrills, is documented below.(Note, the excessive detail about cooking is for you, Aunty Em. Since you enjoy these things).

13:05- wake up. Look, I'm making the most of being able to sleep in before uni starts. And I am a slob.
15:00- Younger brother enters room. He begins high school for the first time on Monday, and is fretting about what should go in his pencil case and what shouldn't, therefore wants me to sit with him and sort it out. Bless.
16:00- I decide to make falafels having seen a rather nice picture of them in my student cookbook (win!). Drive to Asda with brother (watching out for the nasty parking attendant who hounded me when I scraped my car. Brother (all 5 foot of him) promises to beat him up for me if he sees him.). Pick up ingredients and much unnecessary junk food.
18:00- In true Asian style, totally ignore quantities in recipe book and begin throwing together ingredients in random amounts. No self respecting Asian housewife pays any regard to ingredient quantities. If you can't guess it intuitively, according to my mum, you're not a cook.
19:00- Falafel are ready to fry and red onion/peppers/tomato/lettuce salad is made (hungry sigh....), and pitta breads are ready. There is a small moment of horror when I drop several falafels into the oil and they start to disintegrate. Note to future Humaira: ALWAYS BIND THEM WITH EGG.
19:45- Toast pitta breads on panini type grill. My finger, in a random suicide attempt, decides to toast itself as well. This was extremely painful.
20:00- Rather messy pitta bread toasties are complete, and finally eaten. And are not bad, and nobody dies as a result of food poisoning! Success!

So yes. I am now no longer demoralised and shall endeavour to make more challenging things, that require more than simply being mashed up in a blender and fried.
And because I was so proud, I took photos :D This is before they were semi destroyed by frying. (Please Note: I'm not an Arab, or a cook. Clearly I cannot do Arab food justice- I'm just glad they turned out edible).

Yes. Because it is the only kind of salad combination worth eating.
I forgot to photo the actual finished result. Yes, that kind of absent mindedness is possible.OH! (Nope, not done yet).
I had another photo to add, because the Wolves crew visited again :D Hasan feeding Baby Bear strawberry jelly:

Okay, I think I'm done now. I should go and try to relieve my semi broken neck, and devise more recipes involving chickpeas.
*WAVES*
Over and out :)

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

2010-08-27T22:25:00.001+01:00

It has been a melancholy sort of a day. One of those eerily quiet ones, where it's all sunny and everything is still. I turned the fan on in my room, and now don't want to turn it off because it's the only background noise around. I don't think I've spoken more than about 5 words out loud since I woke up.
So yes, despite having a less-than-interesting life, I am blogging due to excessive blackmail from my Aunty Em. Here is the lowdown on life at the moment:

I have dredged up the beginnings of an old story from my Documents, and have decided it's worth carrying on with, rather than starting something new (as I have no new ideas). I rather like it, but surprise myself with how depressing the subject matter of my stories tend to be. I can't write about happy people! That must point to some kind of neurosis...
My cough remains stubbornly here, and I have now progressed onto those kinds of high strength medicines that tell you not to operate heavy machinery after you take them. I shall keep that in mind.
The cough medicines mean that I tend to be either sleepy, or asleep. Constantly.
The sleepy state means that I have no control over my texting ability. And am liable to send drunken texts without actually being drunk. Who knew, that after laughing at my friends for their pratfalls whilst gazeboed (as Michael Macintyre puts it), I too would wake up every morning and go through my 'sent' box with a serious sense of dread?
I have realised that I am really very nervous about moving into a house, after a year of basically isolating myself in my room. I will have to leave my room :| This scares me.
I have realised that I am actually kind of looking forward to being a second year, minus house issues. This is an achievement because I have never looked forward to anything in my life without nerves overshadowing the excitement. I worry a lot. But this is the first time the nerves have been outdone! HA! TAKE THAT, WORST-CASE-SCENARIO CENTRE IN MY BRAIN!
I am wearing purple today. Yep. Noteworthy.
Community is indeed very, very good. What little I've seen of it.
The Kiersey/Myers Briggs personality indicator test thingy is scarily accurate but can make you obsess a bit.
WOLVES CREW ARE COMING DOWN TOMORROW! :D Wooooo!
I have been sat for the last ten minutes trying to think of another point, which surely speaks for itself.

So that's all I have, except for resurrecting (again) the See Also section.

See Also: My biohazard of a bookshelf, Yoghurt, food-obsession, being scared of phoning people, eyeliner, cleaning, tidying, cooking (and burning), Afghani Taxi Drivers playing less-than-appropriate Jay Sean tracks in the car and making us very uncomfortable, depressing discussions, and further melancholy.

Over and out!
:)

Illness makes me Grouchy.

2010-08-20T03:18:00.001+01:00

So Ramadhan is here, and everyone Muslim is blogging about food. Please stop making me hungry. Okay, maybe I shouldn't be on here that much in ramadhan anyway.. Lesson learnt.
I have had a horrible cough for two weeks now (Thank you Baby Bear. Though I'd still see you again - totally worth it). For the last week it has accompanied a weird, constant leg ache that reeeeeeeeally annoys me. What does leg ache have to do with a cough?! So now I am finally, after two weeks of insisting it was a random cough that would blow over, on antibiotics.

Me: Will they mess up my stomach?
Dad: Have you had them before?
Me: Not in years.
Dad: Then we'll see.
Goodbye, stable digestive system.

I have nothing else noteworthy to share because illness has consumed my life. I can't write- I literally, LITerally have no ideas. And the routine of Ramadhan tends to consume all other activities. Though in fairness I've refused to go out anywhere. Going to the supermarket in ramadhan just kills me. Even salad looks appetising. And that's a sad state of affairs.
OH. I got one of those chain messages today. I might as well have the rant that was mentally bothering me since I got it:
Please, PLEASE do not forward those crappy chain messages that say something like this:

On the *Insert date*, there will be a protest in *Insert perceived racist country, eg Denmark*, where they will parade insulting pictures of our Prophet. We Muslims must organise our own protests to condemn this terrible event. Forward this to every muslim you know because our Prophet said *Insert made-up Hadith about how people who don't forward chain messages will burn*

There are..well, many problems with these messages and the people who forward them, but let me point some out.
1. Most of the world wasn't aware of that Protest in Denmark/wherever, until your little forwarded message got every Muslim up in arms to the point that they made several thousand angry Facebook groups about it. Now that loads of other morons have found out about it, they're thinking, awesome, why don't we do it here too?
2. Angry Muslims who go up in arms about verbal insults do not help with combatting the sterotype about Muslims being angry people who get up in arms about verbal insults.
3. You are much more likely to burn for forwarding a made up Hadith.

The same principle goes for moronic facebook groups like 'BAN THE GROUP F*** ISLAM'. Well, people, you join that, and the group 'F*** Islam' thanks you kindly for just extending its publicity to your whole friends list, and for boosting its member count. Please do not be so stupid.

Don't get me wrong. I'm as hurt/shocked as anyone by the hatred displayed by these people. But the only people benefitting from you spreading the word with this kind of stuff are A) The ones who set up the groups/organise the protests, and B) Facebook/Your phone company.

Rant over.
Sorry. Some things just make me angry, and when I'm angry I go all passive aggressive.
I'll post interesting things next time :D

Oh, and Emadness asked who Baby Bear is:

Meet Ibrahim. The youngest member of the Wolves Crew. His perpetually victimised expression never fails to win me over. Aunty Em, I hope you do not mind me exploiting his cuteness.

PANIC OVER

2010-08-13T16:55:00.001+01:00

YES, I HAVE RETURNED! It's okay, everyone, you can relax now in the knowledge that I was not kidnapped, mugged or crushed by a heavy object falling from the sky. There is faaaaaar too much to tell.
Firstly, before I go into weird anecdotes, I should point out that going to Saudi Arabia was, on the whole, amazing. I've been for umrah before, but I don't think I appreciated it, being younger and all. Everything about Makkah is frenzied and crazy, and the people are angry, and you hear nothing but beeping and shouting. You join the huge crowd of people walking towards the mosque and you're basically carried along. But once I was inside the mosque, I felt so awed I couldn't even talk. Madinah, as a city, is the total opposite- incredibly peaceful and quiet both outside and inside the Mosque. Even the Imams seem to take their time when they lead the prayer. Both places were beautiful in their own way, but by the end I felt more attached to Madinah, just because you're so detached from the world there.
So now, onto noteworthy things:

Heat: I cannot describe how utterly cooked we were :| It ranged from mid to high 40s during the day, to lows of 37 at night.

Typos/weird phrasing: Being an English-speaking person in Makkah/Madinah is very funny, because anything written in English tends to be horrendously wrong. One shop declared 'ANYONE 2 RIYAALS', which gave me horrific images of children hung up on display with 2 Riyaal price tags. There was also a 'Shopping Canter', and a 'Fruniture Van'.

"Iran?": I was asked this exactly 6 times, by various Arab women. It wasn't a problem until we got to the Mosque in Madinah, and the woman in charge was separating people by nationality. She tried to pull me away from my mum and cousins, insisting that I was just pretending to be Pakistani. We shouted 'PAKISTAN' at her with no effect, until my mum's younger sister gestured wildly at our salwaars, proving conclusively that we were not Arabs because we dressed like Pakis. She seemed to be satisfied with this and let me go. *shrugs* Paki clothes win! Oh, and there was the street trader who I tried to buy a bottle of water off, who told me the price in Farsi. When I didn't understand he got unaccountably very angry, and started screaming at me in Farsi :| I hid behind the brother and ran away. He continued to scream after me.

T-shirts : There was a real trend amongst Saudi teenage boys for T-shirts with English slogans. The problem is, they tended to have bought any shirt with English on it, with no knowledge of what it said, confident that they looked pretty damn cool. Some slogans on t-shirts were as follows: 'Music makes me dance', 'I love my shirt....and you.', 'Wildness in Progress', 'Resist anything but temptation', 'Rockaholic', and 'Perfect Match'. I had a good laugh, especially at the more camp ones, and got nothing but puzzled and then gradually flattered looks in return.

Bazaars: Yes. The street traders in general were just...dodgy. Perverse, and actually dodgy- they scrambled to pack up stuff and leave whenever the police drove past. And they'd call us as we went past- one made me laugh when he shouted 'Doctor!', which I think was meant to flatter me and my cousin into going over..? (Or he was having a heart attack and we just ignored him). They also watched like hawks for any sign that we were English, in order to rip us off. I was ripped off several thousand times. Not that I bought anything other than Pepsi and ice cream the whole fortnight :)

Traffic system: Or should I say, the lack thereof. There is no system. Cars just bottleneck, and drive on pavements/over pedestrians to get where they need to be. And if you're walking, you do not stop when you come to a road. That would be ridiculous. You march out and expect cars to stop for you. I lost count of the number of times I thought I was going to die as the cousins lead us out in front of speeding traffic. That King of the Road hedgehog would've had a coronary.

Taxis: Taxi rides were actually exciting, just because our lives hung by a thread whenever we were in one. I actually loved the battered/worn feel of everything in Makkah and Madinah, the taxis especially. Suspension was just a silly word that nobody had heard of. The seats were torn with stuffing poking out. There were no seatbelts. Rarely any air conditioning. To hail a taxi, we just stood at the side of a busy road, and taxis driving past beeped at us. Fares were negotiated then and there, with the driver shouting to my dad whilst holding up a mile of angry traffic behind him, and then he usually drove off because my dad realised he was ripping us off. Good times :D Beats any taxi I've ever caught in Leicester.

The boy who jumped on our taxi: Yes. We'd stopped at a red light, under a bridge, when suddenly there was a thud as somebody jumped from it and hit our van, then a clattering as he climbed up the back of our van and onto the roof. The driver jerked to a halt (almost throwing him off the roof) and made him get down. We watched from inside as the boy (aged about 12) ran in circles around the taxi, and the driver chased him, in true Tom and Jerry style. He then let the boy sit IN the taxi, saying he'd rather give him a free ride than have the boy fall off the roof to his death. So the boy sat amongst the 10 of us, looking very sheepish. This was incredibly strange.

Valley of Jinn- We'd been told there was a 3 mile stretch of desert just outside Madinah where, if you drove your car there and put it in neutral, the car would be 'pushed' out of that area by some invisible force. Our group was on a sightseeing day, when the coach driver agreed to take us there to see it. It was just a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, with desert on either side and mountains in the distance. He drove along the 3 mile stretch for some time, then turned the coach round, put it in neutral and got out of his seat. And seriously, our coach started moving :| It accelerated up to about 60mph by itself, driving in a straight line along perfectly flat land until we were out of that 3 mile area. This was very freaky and I cannot explain it.

Women in Madinah- It's a sad fact that when you go in to the women's area of the Mosque to see the place where the Prophet is buried, it's always a heaving frenzy. There's a serious danger of stampedes, and it tends to be down to the huge Arab women who come in screaming, despairing groups of about 40, and push and shove and step over people to fight their way to the front. Not that I'm just blaming the Arabs, a lot of women push, but they just went over the top when I was there. And it's pretty sickening to see people behaving like that in such a sacred place, where you're supposed to keep your voice down out of respect. I almost came to blows (unintentionally) with a woman who I tapped on the shoulder to tell her to stop shoving me. She got in my face and started shouting in Arabic (apparently saying 'WHAT DID YOU PUSH ME FOR? WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY?!' according to my cousin later.) and this was very scary because she was built like a truck. I did not make that mistake again.

I'm going to stop with the bullet points and put up some of the pictures I took!

The view from our hotel balcony in Madinah.

The complimentary Gecko that came with our room in Madinah.

Sunrise in Makkah

So yeah. That's about it for Saudi- a very abridged version.
The week following my return has been pretty frantic, involving the Wolves crew, and Aunty Em getting all self conscious about blog comments (I was joking!), and Baby Bear being extra cute and Hasan being effeminate, and family gossip and sleepovers at my grandmas, joyful reunions, and my first ever car 'accident' and a GIT of a trolley boy at Asda. But that's going to have to be in the next blog because I have talked WAY too much now :)
Over and out! *waaaves*

Crash mats. Unrelated to the post, it's just the first thing I thought.

2010-07-14T01:44:00.002+01:00

I remembered today that when I was about six, I got shouted at for something, and hence decided that nobody appreciated me, and so I would run away to show them all what they were missing out on. And so I took out a big square scarf, laid it out on the bed, put in a change of clothes and various things that a six year old considers to be essential running-away-kit, and then tied the four corners of the scarf together and tied it to a stick to make a Pingu style bindle. Because I thought this was the only way to carry items if one was running away. The scary thing? I'm not kidding. I got as far as the front door, where I turned the key in the lock, then realised I didn't know what I was going to do after walking to the bottom of Halifax Road. So I trudged back upstairs and undid the bindle and went back downstairs and sat and sulked on the staircase where I would attract maximum attention. Yes, Aunty Em, if you're reading this, I can only apologise for my dramatic-ness, as a child and now, lol.
This has taught me two things:

I was an attention-seeking little brat of a kid. I know that anyway, but this emphasises my point.
One should never underestimate a six year old's capacity to make overdramatic and rash decisions.

Why am I relating this story? Because I remembered it randomly, and felt it was noteworthy, and I don't have too much to blog. *Shrugs*. Well, actually, I might have...

I have basically spent the last week cooking/cleaning/cooking/cleaning. It all started last Saturday when we had the WHOLE family round for general eating and together-ness in my garden. This was lovely, because we haven't got together like that in a long time, but my God, we cleaned the house and the garden upside down, inside out. Painful. Naturally, the party didn't start til the Wolverhampton crew arrived. Good times. Speaking of the Wolverhampton crew, Baby Bear succeeded in being completely adorable, whilst projectile vomiting (yes, there was a need to highlight that) all over a cousin's incredibly nice clothes. It's like he waited for her to pick him up...

Myself and Aunty Em have been pretending to be House, going through differential diagnoses via texts, trying to work out why one of my aunties was so ill last week. I was waiting for that enlightenment moment that comes at the forty minute mark, but it never came, dammit ¬_¬ House is a lie!
I am going to be deported in two days time. Yes. They discovered me. You can only stay under the radar for so long. Still, it's only for two weeks, and I'm going to Saudi Arabia, so a pleasant sort of a deportation :) And however much it will torture some people that I am away for this vast stretch of time, I just wish for them to know that they should move on with their life, and find new friends, and remember the good times. Yes.
I remembered the word 'Friendo' today! From No Country For Old Men! If anybody hasn't seen it, the word is from my favourite scene in it. Which is here. Slightly shit sound quality, but it's worth watching the whole film :D
I have written a paragraph of new story! And that's about it. I like the paragraph, and don't want to ruin it by carrying on, which is a bit counterproductive.
Walking down to town today with the brother, I failed to notice the actual Emad driving past, despite looking right at him and the fact that he flashed his headlights. I only recognised the car a second later and then spun round like a retard. An overall retard moment, I feel. Cringe.
Inception looks mind-blowing. Just watch the damn trailer.
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is an awesome film, though incredibly sad at times. Still: Thank you iPlayer. Again :)
The Jenny was met up with in Huddersfield and we had an excellent catch up, eventually reaching the conclusion that her ideal life partner would be chosen on the basis of whether he owned a Fez. Not a bad screening process.
Babysitting my 1 year old cousin was a lot of fun. Especially the part where she chewed my phone ¬_¬ And smeared banana all over me. And almost took off my arm with her vice grip when the sound of a pneumatic drill outside scared her. Her cuteness, and the fact that I got to use her as an excuse to watch Cbeebies (In the night garden, and Pippin! YAY!) made up for it.
I have a new book! Called The Passage, by Justin Cronin. It is awesome so far. His writing reminds me of Stephen King, but without the unnecessary pages and pages of random irrelevance, which can only be a good thing. I WILL finish it by Friday.
I have been forced to gather together all the Asian clothes I possess, since one cannot be wearing jeans in Saudi. Since I do not possess Asian clothes as everydaywear, because I only dress properly Asian at weddings, I had to go out and buy normal Asian clothes. It's actually rather nice to wear Asianwear that isn't wedding-flashy.
I wish to move to Canada someday. Everyone should! Take me to Vancouver! It looks so pretty!*Sigh*

I have now talked for long enough. I have to finish that book by Friday, dammit. But since this will be my last post for the next fortnight, I felt rambling was needed. What the hell. I feel rambling's needed whatever the occasion. Farewell, my vast and diverse readership of about six individuals, one of whom is related to me. Do not become too distraught in my absence.
*waves*
:)

Slow motion shaking your fist at the sun just angers it, if anything.

2010-06-30T03:03:00.002+01:00

SO...uh..I write this with no idea what to write. I mean, stuff has happened, but what to write? Lists are the best way to go about these things...

I passed my exams, and passed them well! So now I can officially say I'm going to be a second year medic and all is good and fine and happy and it means I don't have to worry about anything ever again until September. And...inhale. But yes: I am chuffed. To say it was fluke would be insulting- I have had no life for three months due to revision. Not passing after that hell-hole of a quarter would have suggested that the only viable way forward for me would be to donate my brain to science for study- that way at least somebody would get some good out of it. A tad dramatic? Never.
Went to Wolverhampton and met Aunty Em, Hasan, Baby Bear and the family for the first time since Easter! Was very amused by Aunty Em's very-near breakdown when my brother used the wrong plate for his food, and ate things in the wrong order. She doesn't like the system messed up... @_@
Speaking of '@_@' (which basically means OCD), I discovered that Emad hasn't had Pepsi/any fizzy drinks for literally years, until the sip of Pepsi he had this weekend. THIS IS DISGUSTING. SORT YOUR LIFE OUT.
Also in Wolverhampton- helped give Baby Bear a bath! This was adorable. And took several photos of Hasan, for each of which he assumed a different muscle-man pose. Whether the child's somehow discovered Facebook, or has just fallen in with the wrong crowd at nursery, I don't know.
I found what I thought was a used glow stick on my table during a mass clearup of my room, and cracked it and chucked it in the bin, only to look five minutes later and see that my bin was glowing blue!! Discovery of unused glow stick = BEST DISCOVERY EVER. Well, no, I take that back, I then discovered a BOX of unused glow sticks!! Awesome! (Though I physically can't use them because the thought of them running out pains me).
I have discovered that if medicine doesn't work out, I can always make my living as a football commentator. I refer of course to the England VS Germany game. Nope, NO interest whatsoever in football, and I hadn't watched a single match up to then, but I semi-promised somebody (¬_¬) that I would keep them updated with the score. Happy fate, then, that it turned out to be the most controversial, exciting, scream-at-the-TV game ever. Then again, I wouldn't know, I have nothing else to compare this match to. I intend to keep it that way.
I've literally lost the ability to write :| I see what you were on about, Despondent Medic, what with it being holidays now. I think it's harder to write when you actually have the time to. The only story I wrote worth reading was written at 3am. On a weekday.God knows why.
My mother acquired me the most beautiful dress ever, but because I'm determined not to let this become a fashion blog, I shall simply describe it- a deep purple tunic, with shiny-ness (ie sequins) and white and purple paisley prints all over it. Pretty.
I spent today in a waking coma due to Sun-lethargy and...lethargy. Fun times.
I count the moles I have on my face (because I keep getting more!) At last count there were 8. Nothing to take the poetry out of beauty spots like thinking of them as small, benign tumours :) (Sorry aunty Em, that's the only bit of medical fact I'm putting in this post, for your benefit).

I have nothing else to say, really. When more happens in my life, I'll let you know.
:)
*waves to all*

There are five pepsi cans on my window sill. True story.

2010-06-18T20:56:00.000+01:00

Good evening.
I write this incredibly self consciously, having discovered that my group is aware of my blog due to somebody in the group mentioning it to the others today... (I'm looking at you Vijay, just because I have discovered your potential to lie convincingly). I'd forgotten I even had a link to it on my Facebook *Looks shifty and not at all like that was a desparate ploy to get readers when she first started writing it, that she is now too desparate to remove.*

So yes. Now I shall have to be incredibly careful who I ~~bitch~~ write about. And if any of you are reading, I LOVE MY GROUP. Ahem. I don't even have to correct the sarcasm, everyone knows I love the group :D
Moving on from that horribly awkward beginning... :)
So the OSCE is over, exams are over (for the moment ¬_¬), and there is nothing to worry about. Yet. It is an awesome feeling. Last week was spent:

Sitting out in the garden soaking up the sun (admittedly whilst thinking about vitamin D synthesis the whole time).
Reading Fight Club (admittedly whilst mentally going through types of fractures and how they heal)
Shopping in Huddersfield with my mum (admittedly pointing out a man with an abnormal gait and explaining to my mum how damage to the common fibular nerve causes foot drop.)
Watching The Road to see whether it lived up to the awesome book, which it did (admittedly spending much of the film trying to remember the body's metabolic responses to starvation).
Weighing myself (admittedly then trying to work out my BMI with a calculator). That wasn't pretty.
Not watching the football.
Watching Doctor Who (and admittedly wondering how the Doctor's plan to 'reverse the enzyme decay' and 'excite the tannin molecules' by feeding Craig extra strong tea, was going to revive him) Can't believe the series is ending soon :(

I remember spending a large chunk of time the other evening explaining some medical concept to the little brother, too. Just the start of his training. By the end of his summer, I'll have him a seasoned first year medic. The other year sevens won't know what's hit them.

So yeah. Switched off completely last week :D The sad thing is, none of the above points are in any way exagerrated. I am a walking tragedy.

Now back in Leicester for a doss of a weekend, and then (hopefully) a laid back week of ethics and ethics-related things. Don't look at me, I don't know either...

In other news, people are finishing for Summer left, right and centre and this is wholly unfair. I shall of course be partying hard this last week of uni, but underneath this loud, party animal exterior, I'm all for a quiet life.

Certain people have gone a little bit fanboy over their new phones, and cannot stop mentioning them. ¬_¬ And yes, maybe I got a little bit psycho when deprived of contact with certain people for a week. Ahem. But it's okay, we're back to hatred now.

Oh, and contrary to popular belief, I do occasionally wear bangles! So I found a picture of the set I bought to put on here :D Fear not. This will not become a fashion blog. More...just pretty shiny things. I am a slave to my magpie instinct.

Aaaand I have nothing else to talk about because nothing else has happened. Which is nice :) I like it that way. Back to the slob life, ie eating and re-watching Life On Mars. But mainly eating.

*waves*

Oreo McFlurry, Strawberry Milkshake, Pizza, Galaxy Counters, More Galaxy Counters, Pepsi, Fish and Chips...

2010-06-05T18:22:00.001+01:00

Back! And more sane than in the previous post, due to 2/3 of the weight being off my mind. I warn you, I got carried away with colouring words :D Oh, and don't worry, I didn't actually eat everything in the title. More...one or two bites of each. Ahem. Still adds up :/
So, written exams were Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm a little unsure as to how I feel about them- I felt like everything I'd revised came up, but afterwards I kept having mini heart attacks, with the realisation that I'd written the complete wrong answer. Great.
Ah well, the last several weeks (who am I kidding, months), which have felt like an extended Night of the Living Dead Me, were totally worth it just for that sensation of almost-freedom when I walked out into the Sun (the Sun! Remember the Sun??!) after that second exam. And I made a beeline for the train station because I WAS GOING HOME!
And here I sit. At home, utterly bloated due to the excess of food which my mother has insisted I eat (and due in part to my own compulsive junk-eating tendencies). You'd think, the way I was talking, that I was out of the woods. Not so. My OSCE (Objective Structured Clinical Examination) is next Friday, and that's going to be bloody hard :/ Being verbally grilled on anatomy, taking a patient history, giving a presentation, explaining a medical condition to a patient, hip, knee and shoulder examinations, a cardiovascular system examination, measuring a blood pressure, and to top it all off, using a search engine to find a medical article. Good god. I am screwed.
And so I have spent since Wednesday using my small brother/father/mother to practice taking blood pressures from- and I can finally do it! It's been worrying me like crazy. I've been perfecting it by taking my own, and have discovered I have an abnormally low blood pressure- 108/54. I'm sure it's not supposed to be that low. It would explain why I had several dizzy spells last week, though I still put those down to being a bit spaced out.
Kinda still need to learn my anatomy. Which means I might have to leave home early, since my anatomy textbook, which weighs more than my family put together, is back in Leicester. :( *Sigh*
Oh, and I still need formal clothes for the OSCE, and a pair of shoes that actually cover the top of my feet, otherwise we're not allowed into the Dissection Room. NO girls shoes cover the tops of your feet, with the exception of boots! And I don't know how welcoming they're going to be if I turn up in these.
Still, at least I know it'll ALL be over on Friday :D I have a list! I call it the List Of Things To Do Once My Life Has Resumed.

The List of Things To Do Once My Life Has Resumed

Eat as much as is humanly possible, constantly. Attach self to drip overnight if sleep is eventually necessary.
Finish a bloody story ¬_¬ I've lost the ability to write and I WILL get it back.
Re-read my Chuck Palahniuk collection, and actually read more books!
Watch Toy Story 3
Spend time with family, preferably doing nothing more than sitting out in the garden (Family! Remember them??!) This includes Hasan, Baby Bear and Maryam, who I feel have grown up far too fast whilst I've been away :(
Go to Pizza Hut. Ah, how I have missed you.
Learn how to speak Urdu without sounding like a retard.
Learn how to cook without serving dishes that might as well be biohazards.
Teach the youngest brother first-year medicine (Hey, you can never be too prepared. Even if he doesn't want to be a doctor. Ahem.)
Make myself, through self hypnosis or mutilation if necessary (though I'm not sure that self harms the right way to combat neuroses) stop killing my nails.
Get purple hair. Ah, you know I kid, I'm bald really.
Not watch the football.

So yes. I shall add more when I think of them, in subsequent posts.
Back to revising! YAY! ¬_¬

Several tangents bundled together and passed off as a post.

2010-05-23T17:55:00.001+01:00

There is nothing particularly entertaining here, just psychoanalysing myself. Felt the need to blog it because it's nice to vent to the ether when you don't have a psychologist handy. Feel free not to humour me, or to skip to less egocentric posts :) I mind not.

On Friday we learnt about systems for assessing the stage of cancer- they have different names- Duke's, TNM, Ann Arbor, etc, according to which type of cancer it is.When our tutor said, 'So what's Ann Arbor?' I had to physically swallow to restrain myself from calling out, 'It's where you park a boat.'

Yes. Black humour meets the worst pun in the world. This is what uni does to you. I've never made a pun in my life, but my brain decides to switch on the Punchline Centre when it comes to cancer.

It's an interesting point, though- doesn't everyone get the irrepressible urge to laugh at the most sober moments? I heard somewhere it's a defence mechanism. I know if someone starts to tell me a really depressing story, and they're looking right at me, I can't stop myself smiling. And coming across as the most crass human being on the planet. I then feel the need to assure them that I do appreciate the shit-ness of the situation by exclaiming, 'That's horrible!', whilst still grinning. Fail. And yet I'm one of these overly-emotional, empathise-with-everyone, would-buy-a-big-issue-from-every-vendor-in-Leicester people. Just very, very bad at showing it.

It tends to be people I know that I'm worse with. I don't seem to have a problem expressing sympathy to patients. The other day, one of my friends was utterly distraught, having heard some bad news from back home. She told me, half in tears, and instead of the obvious comforting response, I went into mechanical-mode and did what was practical- helped her with her work, because she wasn't thinking straight.

I also did it when my mum was ill about 2 years ago- most of the family was either crying or panicking. I totally shut down, and went a bit robot, and just did what was practical, no reactions whatsoever. Every situation where there's been panic in the family, I've just shut off all expression and come across as cold/detached. The feeling holds off until it's all over, and then I'm overwhelmed by it when I'm finally by myself. And then the thought of it haunts me indefinitely.

Is that a type A personality thing? The same as bottling up stress? I'm sure it's healthier to let out how you're feeling at the time ¬_¬

I've mixed up the idea of finding humour in depressing situations, and just turning into a robot in depressing situations. Both seem a little dysfunctional, if I'm honest. Basically, this sums up as: I am a prime candidate for coronary artery disease, based on being Asian, with the fitness level of a brick, and an internal stress gauge that needs routine replacement due to overheating and smashing. I'm really going to have to put an end to these modifiable risk factors- can't help being brown, but I'm sure if I get over the social anxiety of entering a gym, and put away this half-finished Pepsi....

Well, baby steps. Nothing too drastic. I'll start with the gym. But I do hate it when you walk in and everyone looks at you :| You can feel the judgement, as they size you up, assess whether to put you in the category of 'Bitch. Too thin to be in a gym, only here to rub my face in it' or 'Beached whale. Stay, so I can feel better about myself.'

Women have an uncanny ability to assess your dress size within seconds, add it to a list of your flaws, and then cross match it with their own. It is only then that they will make the decision of whether to be friendly, or go frost-maiden on you.

Maybe that was a bit cynical. It's why I don't go to gyms, anyway ¬_¬ And why I'm always intimidated in groups of girls.

As for life at the moment: well, it does not exist. I am a machine, existing only to revise, eat, and sleep. And the Sun is evil, and messes with my head. Which is why I am spewing bizarre posts like this. So I'd better be off :)

By the way, Gorillaz sang this on Jonathon Ross, and I thought it sounded rather pretty and dreamlike.

*waves*

Once more unto the breach, etc.

Where are YOU sleeping tonight?

2010-05-12T22:58:00.001+01:00

Before
(Sorry for bad quality, didnt get any pictures myself, this is stolen)

I write this perched in a half-on-half-off-my-seat position, due to the pain of sitting properly, having spent the night on a freezing cold floor. Good times. Black and blue, but good times. This post will be an account of the Homed Sponsored Sleepout, which for those of you that don't know, was an event where about 90 Leicester students slept rough in Leicester City Centre for one night ,to raise awareness about those homeless people who have to sleep rough every night, and what they face. Any sponsor money raised went to Action Homeless, a charity whch tries to get homeless people back into housing, and give them some independence.

6pm- Myself and Sarah got down to the city centre, where most of the group were already sat around the clock tower, with lots of cardboard laid out. We set up with Tamsen and Emma, my flatmates who I'd roped into it :) Everyone who took part got a Homed 'Where are you sleeping tonight?' T-shirt, as you can see in the photo. Team Orange! :D We got loads of press people, and attention from passers-by, which was the aim really, and a lot of people donated which was very cool.
8pm ish- it started to get dark and a little bit cold. The Salvation Army donated blankets, which was awesome! I felt it was time to layer up, so added my purple hoody ( :D :D), a pair of gloves, and my blanket to the four layers I had on already. Ahem. Toasty warm. Roundabout this time a homeless man and his dog stopped by and sat down with us. The dog was appropriately fitted out with a Homed t-shirt. This was adorable.
9pm- Salvation Army people said we could come to the centre in groups of ten, and they'd prepared hot soup, shepherd's pie, and sandwiches for us! This was lovely of them. My hands were frozen by this point, and I've never appreciated tomato soup until last night. Damn. Another man who was homeless, and uses Action Homeless services befriended us (particularly Emma, ahem). He told us that the night before, he'd slept rough, and had been moved on by police 11 times in one night :| That was depressing. He also told us we were in for a shock, and he'd woken up the other night to find a layer of frost on his mattress. It's a horrible thought, that people usually have to face this alone.
10pm- Dark, and the chill was setting in. People started laying out sleeping bags to keep warm. The man we'd met settled down to stay with us for the night, and another man, who was about sixty, stopped to talk to us, and said he was homeless too. Some of the committee offered him food, and sat him down to talk to him. It was quite sad to see how grateful he was- it's not as though we did anything particularly special for him, but Emma said it makes you wonder how he's treated normally, if he gets emotional when people offer him some company, and something to eat. Both men slept with our group for the night- it was the one time they could do so without being moved on, because we were there for a valid reason.
Half 11- Rain scare! It started raining quite heavily, so naturally, everyone panicked, picked up anything they could grab and ran for cover under the shelters of the shops. We weren't allowed to set up outside a certain perimeter by the council, though, so it was either don't-get-comfy or come-back-into-the-rain ¬_¬ Damn that council. It stopped raining 5 minutes later, thank God, but the drizzle was on and off the whole night.
12am- Officially halfway through the sleepout! The last few people were walking through the city centre, but we were still attracting some interest. I'd got huddled up in my sleeping bag by this point, because I was frozen, despite all my layers. There was a horrible cold wind that got inside the bag and froze my face numb- serious ouch. One of my legs was reeeally hurting because I'd had it tensed for ages without realising. However, despite this, my bag made an alright, albeit rock hard pillow, and I was kind of okay. I managed to sleep for about half an hour, but spent the rest of the time awake, just for the sake of it. I was surprised by the number of people who were asleep- quite a few were snoring like they'd never left their beds.
2pm- At this point, it was really quite dead, and I was sat up, shivering with my teeth chattering, all huddled up in a blanket. Sarah couldn't sleep due to people incessantly talking next to her, Tamsen had dropped off quite nicely, and Emma was wide awake. Malcolm, the older homeless man, decided he didn't get on with the younger guy, so moved over to Sarah's side to sit with her. They were fast friends by the end of the night- this was rather cute.
3pm- Random people who had finished their work shift at this time came over and donated loads of money and told us we were doing a great job :D Woo! Me and Emma talked to a guy who used to be homeless, but now works for Action Homeless and tries to get more people off the streets. He was really passionate about it, because he'd been there, and he stayed awake the entire night, just watching over us and generally making us feel safe. Legend.
5pm- People started getting up and shuffling around, and operation clean-up got under way. It was fairly light, and I believe at that point everyone had a bright red nose from that damn cold wind. Suddenly, without warning, it started CHUCKING it down with rain. The slow waking became a mass panic once more, as people tried to roll up sopping wet sleeping bags. Malcolm, bless him, was still fast asleep in the middle of all the chaos. We woke him up, and he thanked everyone again for being so friendly to him. We just bundled as many Salvation Army blankets as we could into his bag. I was sad to see him go- it's horrible to think that someone that frail faces something that we found so hard, by himself. And this was May, what about winter? :|
Laurel, who set up HOMED, insisted on group photos in the pouring rain, so, below you can observe the extent of our bedraggled-ness.

After- chucking it down.

So yeah, I got back to halls at 6am, shattered and bleary-eyed, peeled off my soaked hoody, put my bag, which was in a bad way, by the radiator, and crawled into bed. I have never appreciated my mattress so much in my life, and the cold which had set in overnight didn't wear off for a good few hours. I slept for 6 straight hours. Going into uni later, I could feel bruises on my back, and my leg still hurts. I seriously think it was worth it though, because all I've been thinking about today is how people have to face this kind of thing every night, without the luxury of a sleeping bag, extra blankets, company, or the knowledge that they have a warm bed and a hot shower to go to in the morning. And if the 90 people who took part think like that, and tell other people the same thing, maybe something will get done about it. People that vulnerable shouldn't get forgotten about, and at least HOMED means that we're definitely not going to let them just sink into the background.
Oh! We made the newspaper! Second page of Leicester Mercury, and the online article's here.
Yup. I believe that's about it. Hopefully it'll be an annual event! :D

Iridescence: reminds you of the kind of sound glitter would make when you threw it in the air, if glitter could make a sound.

2010-04-29T02:29:00.003+01:00

My life has turned into an amorphous blob of nothingness, held together by occasional revision, and very rarely, something of use sticking in my head. Like right now, I can tell you that beta blockers reduce heart rate and force of contraction, so are used in treatment of angina to reduce the workload of the heart. I think.... *head in hands* Shit.
Oh, and I've failed to curb my language. Guess you saw that one coming. It's worse when I'm driving, trust me. I become an incredibly angry and sarcastic person when I am behind the wheel...which is bad, because I used to always laugh at my aunty for going all Hulk when she was driving. An exchange from several weeks ago:
Me (driving)- So, Mohammad, how was your-
*Pulling out of a junction, a woman doesn't give me way*
Me: OH YOU GO AHEAD, YOU FAT B-
Brother- :|
Me- B-erm... ahem.
One exchange of many, I'm sorry to say. It's like a different person takes over.

OH, one thing I meant to blog about: Since I've been revising all day, the only free time I've had is after midnight, so I've been watching Life On Mars (the time travel police drama with John Simm that came out in about 2007). I've always been curious about it. And I finished it last night (it's two series). I can honestly say it's the best British television series I've seen. Really well thought out, incredibly bizarre so it keeps you guessing, quite touching at times, and with some brilliant humour. The ending of the series had me slightly teary. DCI Gene Hunt is a legend, and his one liners are the best since Terminator :D And John Simm, who was always a great actor, is pretty much flawless. And he's from Leeds, which is always a plus :D I would seriously recommend it. I'm going to buy it, and I never buy things- I'm Asian. So that's saying a lot.

And speaking of TV series, Doctor Who was better this week, thank God! I loved the killer last line of the episode :D You knew where it was going, but it was still killer. The soundtrack is pretty good too, I've warmed to the new theme tune. And the Weeping Angels are always a win. They do scare me.
All this watching and not moving has meant that I have acquired a significant amount of general flab, which is going nowhere. I thus make the resolution to get to a gym the second my exams are over, and not leave until September.
There is literally nothing else happening in my life, hence the lack of interesting things to blog about. I'm just having horrible, horrible visions of my future going down the drain. And I don't want to go back on Sunday :( It's been nice while it lasted, but I don't feel like I deserved to have any fun just in case I fail my exams. And I still haven't figured out a way to wear a stethoscope. Fail.
*Sigh* The pains of being constantly stressed, and prone to imagining worst case scenarios.
In more positive news, I decided to draw something today! I keep trying to write, but every time I start, I think 'I should be revising. I will regret this when I fail my exams.' Still, at least I'll have about a month to write, guilt free, in the Summer. Dayyamn. Bring on Summer.
I shall go now, and hope that life will be more exciting in the coming week.
Edited much later when I finally remembered:
Oh! My picture!

I wish I could draw in that style from scratch, but I copied it off my favourite artist on DeviantArt- Pyromaniac (aherm, co incidence). What a guy. His drawing is here.
Yus.
Over and out!

Not too Shabby.

2010-04-18T02:46:00.001+01:00

Hello! I can't sleep, so I'm monologuing. I warn you now, I go off on a lot of tangents, so do not begin to read if this will discombobulate you. Yes, I have just discovered that I can colour words. I'm a sucker for novelty.
I guess I should address the obvious: my blog's new outfit. It's all part of my Summer Wardrobe Initiative. I am attempting to expand my wardrobe, for the first time in my life, beyond black/grey. Not that there's owt wrong with black/grey. There are strict criteria that anything being considered for my Summer Wardrobe has to meet:
1. I must decide to buy it, but then put it back on two separate occasions before I am allowed to properly buy it.
2. Baby steps, people. When I say expanding beyond black/grey, I mean I'm looking for predominantly black/grey clothes, with a hint of other colours in them.
3. Hell will freeze over before I buy skinny jeans.
So far, the Summer Collection consists of a white and green scarf, and... well, yes. That's it. It's a very new initiative.
So yeah, a lot's happened in a month. I suppose bullet pointing it is the best option:

Myself and the brother were ambushed in the library by a strange, bespectacled (awesome word win!) man, who saw that I was trying to revise in peace, so naturally sat down at our table and proceeded to tell me the history of the universe. No, literally. He told me the history of the universe. For two hours. I kid you not. A small snippet (awesome wo- okay, I'll stop) of the conversation with him:

Man: So in the 60s, when I was studying Physics... *pauses* I'm breaking the Official Secrets Act by telling you this.
Me: Don't feel obliged to break the Official Secrets Act!
Man: Ah, I don't give a monkey's. *Leans forward, lowers his voice* I spotted a mistake in Einstein's Theory of Relativity.
Suffice it to say I'm never going to the library again.

Went to Scotland! Easter weekend was spent somewhere near Dundee, and was lovely, mainly because we took my grandma too, and she's adorable. And Scotland's not too shabby when the sun comes out, which it did, thank God. It's nice to just sit and do nothing with the family, after nine weeks of stress and the promise of three weeks, then four more years of stress ahead. Woo.
Not too shabby has been my new favourite phrase for about a week, and they said it on Doctor Who today!
Doctor Who! Is AWESOME. Or at least, Matt Smith is an awesome actor, I was genuinely impressed, even though I was rooting for him before he even started, because he got so much stick when people found out he was the next Doctor. He's wicked. Though today's episode wasn't as good as the last two...I hope they keep up the great-ness. He deserves well written scripts- today's was...well, a bit shabby. What a word. I do love using it. *says out loud for effect*
Last week was spent with Aunty Em, Hasan and Baby bear, who came down for the week! Revision fail, but an awesomeness win. Activities included being puked on by Baby bear, who decided to upchuck on my cardigan, then my mattress, destroying, no, obliterating both; learning more about Hasan's toilet habits than I ever cared to know; very VERY late night conversations with Aunty Em about nothing in particular; a Chocolate Sundae at Charlotte's Ice Cream Parlour- heaven on earth; and a disaster of a family meal at Pizza Hut which resulted in 3 babies screaming the place down. I got my cookie dough though, so not so much of a disaster.

Okay, I feel I've outstayed my welcome, and this will be hard to read what with the new narrow text layout, so I'll stop talking now and update my next blog with anythign I've forgotten. Who am I kidding.
All in all though, loving the Easter holidays :D Let's just hope the revision I've done so far doesn't decide to leak out my ears. It's happened before ¬_¬
I'll leave you with that delightful imagery.
Roger, over and out.
:)

Excuse me, I'm lost, I desperately need to find a Pizza Express. I am not a fat slob. Really.

2010-03-18T21:54:00.000Z

I thought I'd take advantage of my semi-good mood and blog. Yes, I do tread lightly around myself. I wouldn't want to make me angry :| Who knows what kind of passive aggressive monster I might unleash.

Yes. One of *those* moods.

I should be working. But then, I think once you start medicine, you're in a constant , literally constant, state of 'should be working'. You can't even get to sleep without feeling guilty for not cramming in a last bit of revision by recording yourself reciting muscle attachments into a dictaphone, to play to yourself overnight. Then again, that reminds me of a Dexter's Lab episode (nostalgia reference win!) where he tries to learn French overnight by listening to a 'learn French' tape as he sleeps, but it gets stuck on the guy saying 'Omelette du fromage'. And when he wakes up, that's the only phrase he can say. I don't want to be stuck saying 'Flexor digitorum superficialis' for the rest of my life :|

Erm...so, I've forgotten what point I was trying to make there. ANYhoo.

An inserted injoke: May God bless you with many beautiful children.

An explanation- Jamie's idea- the aim was to insert it at random into a conversation with someone for points. I have not succeeded yet.

I wish to watch Shutter Island, Alice in Wonderland, and Green Zone. Anyone free? Quite happy to go watch them myself if not. Let's face it, it's the Ben and Jerry's that counts. Screw the company.

So I spent all day today out in the Saffron Estate, which I guess is a deprived area of Leicester, or in any case, there's a lot of gaps in healthcare there. Despite the fact we were trailing all over the place and were shattered by 5, I kind of enjoyed it. We got to meet a patient living in the area and interview them about what kind of help they got, which was very...erm...fun isn't the right word when they have so many problems. But it's always best when you meet individuals- you actually see what you're working towards, and appreciate what people have to cope with, which will help you when you treat these kind of people in future. You see, I got from this what we're meant to have got from this, can I skip the reflective writing essay now?!

*sigh*

Dissection. Let's just say nobody wants to dissect the gluteal region. Or place their hands on the gluteal regions of others in order to test how the hip does not drop when the opposite leg is raised. Just: no.

Speaking of muskuloskeletal... I should be-

No. I shall continue to blog until it is too late to do work.

There was something really major that I wanted to blog, and I've totally forgotten it...

Emad acted as a personal sat nav yesterday (with the help of Google Maps) when I was lost (hopelessly, utterly lost) in the middle of Leicester. This was a brilliant win, and I was very quickly un-lost. Thank you muchly.

A small message to aunty em, should you read this before I speak to you: I'm sorry! Our.phonecalls have not crossed paths yet, but they WILL! One day! *Much love*

Whoa, summat weird has happened to my cursor... the top of the arrow's split off and moved down for some reason. I think it's a sign I should stop talking. And work. *sigh* Gits.

OH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY- I visited my patient on Monday, and a dog was present :| Said dog was adorable, but proceeded to lick my jeans to death in a manner that can only be described as voracious. Oooft. Damn right I just used that word. Sometimes I surprise myself. Anyway, being unaccustomed as I am to dog saliva, I now have a brand new pair of jeans *Thumbs up*. Gunna be an expensive next few patient visits, I can tell you that.
Oh, and the Kite Runner is an awesome book so far.

I'm gunna shut up now. I think it's for the best.

*waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaves*

I am Jack's malfunctioning ear.

2010-03-05T21:05:00.000Z

I have gone deaf in one ear. This is the current story of my life. Consequently, every sound in my head is magnified, to the point where I ate coco pops on Monday morning, and thought I was experiencing a small earthquake. It also makes crackly noises at unexpected times, which causes me to jump. The ear drops, which I put in just as it was improving slightly, had the not-entirely-anticipated effect of rendering me completely deaf in that ear. ¬_¬ Why, I ask you. Why.

Also, my group turned against me and, realising that I've kept a low profile whenever presentations come up, have bullied me into the task of delivering half our group presentation on Monday. I will pass out, and that will be the last you hear from me.

We learnt the term 'intermittent claudication' today- leg pain on exercise. Matt (groupmate) went on to kill Red Hot Chilli Peppers for us by singing it to the tune of Californication. (She says she's got a pain in her leg but it's intermittent claudication...etc). On the plus side, I'll never forget it now.

My ear just crackled again! :|

I've been home three weekends now, so this weekend I'm in Leicester, staying strong and doing work *Sigh*. Last weekend was utterly awesome though- picked up by the Wolverhampton crew at half 9, it got to half 12 and we were just outside Wolverhampton :| Roadworks etc. So we stayed in Wolves overnight- ALWAYS fun, especially since Hasan was far too excited at me staying, and baby bear just...well, he just did puppy dog eyes :D And 'sleep' when aunty Em is involved tends to mean 'stay up til half 4 catching up, eventually going off on a bizarre tangent and falling asleep mid conversation'. Much fun indeed.

There goes my ear again! Argh!

Oh, and I've realised the song I really liked but didn't know the name of is Mr Brightside by the Killers, which apparently everyone has been raving about :| I had no idea.

The Office is back! :D

I'm reading a book! This is awesome. It's been SO long since I read a new book.. in fact I think the last one was a Chelsea Cain one over summer. I just haven't had time/stamina since, but am now reading The Secret Speech by Tom Rob Smith- sequel to Child 44, which apparently Ridley Scott has bought film rights for :D Woo! Russia books for the win.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND IS OUT! *Squeals*

Oh, and Snatch is funny. I'm prepared to give Guy Ritchie films/Jason Statham a chance.

Right. Must be orf. Nothing more interesting to report except that I have an oral exam (AGAIN) on all the anatomy we've leant on Wednesday, and I know nothing :| Bones = fine, but the arteries/nerves kill me. Dammit! Bring on Easter.

Over and out.

*waves*

I am Jack's raging bile duct.

2010-02-25T17:59:00.000Z

'What would you hear if you placed a stethoscope over an artery where the flow is turbulent?'

My answer: 'A small voice.' I feel that this sums up my academic prowess.

The Southern accent makes me want to burn people, I'm sorry. I encountered a group of four physics students on the bus, whose conversation went something like (okay, exactly like):

'So is THAT what you're saying: that COMmunism would work in SPACE?'

'Of COURSE it would. EVErybody would be dead. Therefore EVErybody would be equal.'

*A chorus of snotty, smug laughter*

'OH, my God. I just LITERALLY CANnot believe that they've transLATED the word 'entRADA' on that restaurant door into ENGLish underneath. It's like LITerally the most BASic word.'

*More smug, snotty laughter*

You know where in your head you act out an incredibly flash-violent scenario? In my head I stood up, took out my copy of Kumar and Clark's Clinical Medicine (about the size of a small house) and backhand -broke each of their faces.

In real life, I stared out the window and gripped my bag a little bit tighter. Seriously people, if all you've got to say is humourless shit, at least keep your voice down. We do not want to hear your whimsical little observations on the world. If it reads like I'm overreacting, I had to listen to their conversations for twenty minutes. I was borderline psychotic by the end.

In more sane news:

I passed my exams! And found out today that I was one off an 'excellent' ¬_¬ Damn them. Still, this is comforting, and I semi-feel like I deserve to be here now.

I cannot switch off. Even as I type this I am trying, on another level of my mind, to remember all the muscles of the forearm.Consequently, my brain hurts.

I have decided I want to be a histopathologist. That way I actually have a medical degree under my belt, but I get to spend the rest of my career tucked away in a lab, diagnosing away without a git of a consultant breathing down my neck. Hidden away is best for me, I feel. I had a weird thought- I'm not intimidated by the idea of patients, it's interacting with my peers that scares me. Even now- I'm fine talking to people waay older, or way younger than I am, but an utter fail at talking to other students of my own age.This makes me a freak.

Finally watched Avatar! And it was better than I thought it would be- though I could have predicted the storyline in the first five minutes. Still, it was visually awesome, so it was worth watching. Not that I could sit through it again :| Bloody hell. On another note, the Alice in Wonderland trailer looked AMAZING! :D Well going to see that.
Pizza Express is surprisingly nice. Oh, and speaking of pizza... *Goes off on pizza related thought tangent*
I miss the Office :( Anybody who hasn't watched the US Office- it is utter genius. Today I remembered this clip. Jim's facial expressions are awesome :D
Home tomorrow! I've been home 3 weekends in a row... guess that's what happens when I try to stay here for too long- this is just rebound from when I tried to stay in Leicester for 3 weeks. Still, it's a free ride with the awesomeness that is Aunty M, Hasan, Baby bear and Uncle Naeem (who has threatened to charge me but can't be serious...right?). Yay! Here's to a weekend of no work whatsoever.
And now I am going to Asda for food, before I get down to work. Properly. I WILL get down to work at some point. How I have used my day off so far: iPlayer, eating, watching an anatomy thing on 4OD (which counts as work, aherm), and now further eating. Damn, gotta love food :D

See also: disgusting John West 'light lunches', Robert Downey Jr, re-watching District 9, colouring in, being utterly heartsick, writing poetry (I joke), not getting my five fruits a day, sympathetic post ganglionic nerve fibres, not being able to switch off again, my 100% New Look wardrobe, and hoooooooooommmme :D

Over and out.

Seeing people as walking X-rays.

2010-02-14T11:48:00.000Z

Yes, it's a strange side effect to studying anatomy. Everyone in the street is a revision aid. My mum's back was aching yesterday, so (rather unhelpfully) I traced out all her back muscles and informed her (again, rather unhelpfully) which one was aching (trapezius) and which nerve supplied it (spinal accessory!). Last week, myself and Sarah made utter retards of ourselves whilst waiting outside the house we might get for next year, by pondering over extension/flexion/adduction/abduction of the arm and demonstrating each one. People in cars actually stared out of their windows at the two freaks doing windmill impressions. Aherm. I'm hoping it's just a phase.

In other news, I'M HOME!

In other, more depressing news, I'm leaving in two hours :(

But t'was an awesome weekend. 3 weeks in Leicester drove me utterly insane- don't think I'll be trying that one again any time soon. Things I have done this weekend include:

going into the non existent town centre, seeing that it has in fact become even more shit since I last visited, and loving every single minute of it.
not being pelted by a gang of chavs with pea shooters (if this means nothing to you, I have a bit of a track record for it)
driving to Dixy chicken in Batley (even more shite town) and encountering a gang of chavs racially abusing the guy behind the counter. I'd feel bad for him, but I'm just really hoping he spat in their food.
Realising that I swear waaaay too much in normal conversation. And that I just tried to make the excuse to myself that the s word is not a swear. Must curb language.
Turning down the offer to go watch Avatar with my dad. Firstly, I'd rather be mooching at home with the family. Secondly, I just can't be bothered seeing it. Despite one of my groupmates informing me that it would change my life. I found a rather funny thing on the 'I still haven't seen Avatar yet' Facebook group, that shows how Avatar is just basically Pocahontas. :D See for yourself
worrying about results
teaching my small cousins the anatomy of the upper limb.
Laughing at the idea of Jamie's face on a gazelle. You should read his blog.
Pointless texting
wanting to see Alice in Wonderland *Spazzes*

Aherm. So yeah, that's it. Though I should mention that I saw baby bear and Hasan and aunty Em on skype and this was brilliant, even if all we talked about were the gory details of dissection. Aherm. Just a phase.

See also (YES! I'm resurrecting the 'see also' bit!): over-eating, Pepsi, hyperkalaemia, new headscarves, a multicoloured bracelet, cherry chapstick (which I want to eat rather than use), shingles, straightening of hair, pointless two hour seminars, latissimus dorsi and the thoracodorsal nerve, and my awesome penguin of death bookmark.

The flipper equivalent of jazz hands.

2010-02-03T20:50:00.000Z

The title seems strange, but it's exactly what the baby penguin on my new penguin poster is doing :D *Loves*. Yes, I have gone poster-mad. My latest addition is an Iron Man 2 one!! :D

Aherm. So yes, I promised I would dedicate (most of) this post to Saf, who was disgruntled at having not been mentioned in the last one. Those of you who do not know Saf- don't worry, he's a disturbing individual with whom I had English in Year 10- who decided to initiate our friendship by offering his hand for me to shake, and subsequently electrocuting me. Further good times have involved:

The time Mrs Field wore a Hu-YOOGE spider shaped brooch, that basically looked like a tarantula crawling up her shoulder. Saf took a look at it and quietly slipped into a coma. He never fully resurfaced.
Him bringing a PICNIC, an actual PICNIC to each and every single English lesson. Opening foil-wrapped sandwiches/chocolates/strawberry laces and crunching away at the decibel level of a small plane as I watched in disbelief.
When he added a creative touch to his poetry anthology by making a picture of a house with a garden, entirely out of strawberry laces that he stuck down.
His running through cornfields with Miss Edgley, who had a weird soft spot for him... ¬_¬
Amnesty. Let's just say I did it for the fairtrade chocolate. I'm fairly sure Saf's motives were similar.
The biology quiz, in which we were asked to draw the structure of an amino acid- instinctively, I drew a load of beads on a string, instead of the chemical structure. It then occurred to me that this was probably quite a thick thing to do. I blamed it on Saf. The whole class believed me- after all, since when would I have made such a stupid mistake?!- and ridiculed him for a good few weeks.
And naturally, pizza hut cookie dough, with the Zainab also, on a Friday... :D And Morrisons trips to buy as much junk as possible.

One for my list of people who I wish were at Leicester. I'd say I wish I was at Newcastle, but I'm brown, let's face it- I fit in well here at Leicester :D

*waves to Saf*

Now where was I? (Yes, did I mention this would be a mammoth of a post?)

Dissection- we dissected the axilla, and had a look at the Brachial Plexus- generally nerves in the neck/upper arm region. We learnt bones of the arm and hands in a stupid amount of detail, but I'm kinda liking it :D Though washing bits of dead-person off my scalpel at the end...not so glamorous.
I have tomorrow off! WOOOOOOO! Yes, granted, alright, alright, I'm going to have to work most of the day, but that's not important! I CAN SLEEEEEP! And have Dixy chicken :O No *Curbs self*. Must control urges to eat everything.
I am addicted to Oreos. Seriously. I think I have a problem. There is one left in the pack, and I swear it cowers every time I look over at it.
Certain people have finished their exams :O And will now begin rigorous exercise regimes to lose those revision pounds. It's all about the greater good, Emad.
My anatomy colouring book is AWESOME. I actually love it. Despite the fact that 12 GCSEs, an AS and 3 A levels since I last attempted it, I still can't colour between the lines. *Retarded moment*

I have nothing else interesting to say, except that I am in a particularly happy mood due to not having any lectures tomorrow :D

Though I do miss home :( Attempting to make it 3 weeks, so not going home this Friday as I usually would. *Sigh* Ah well. More time to try to teach myself how not to colour in like a spazz.

Also *waves to Aunty Em, Hasan and Baby Bear*

Yes, yes, I'm done now! Yeesh. Over and out. :)

Apoptosis: when cells go Kamikaze.

2010-01-29T22:12:00.000Z

This has officially been the longest week of my life. Not in a bad way, just in a very, very busy way. So busy I've hardly had time to think about home/Archie/depressing things, and that is the way it should be, so all is good in a stressed-out way :) I shall revert to bullet points as I can't remember this stuff in any kind of order.
Oh, before I forget, bizarre moment as I walked out of the Student Union shop today, and overheard a snippet of conversation between a man and woman stood outside.
Woman: '....positron emission tomography.'
Man: *Giggles*

Yes... I didn't know what to make of it either. ANYWAY, back to my list:

Dissection. We became...'acquainted' with our cadaver on Tuesday. We were studying the pectoral muscles- the dissection itself went fine, and was all incredibly interesting. I even coped fine with washing the bits of dead-person off my scalpel at the end. It was only later that evening when I was about to take a bite of food that I thought, 'We peeled off the guy's chest'. And at the same time detected the very faint, imagined smell of latex/death on my fingers. Let's just say that sandwich never really got to encounter my digestive system.

Had a nightmare that night- not actually about dissection, but I've never had dreams about things that happen during the day, so I felt it worth documenting. In my dream, Bursitis (painful inflammation at joint, usually in elbow/knee) was actually a disease that dehydrated sufferers to death (ie diabetes in the olden days), and many people I knew suddenly came down with it and despite me offering water, wouldn't drink anything :| Horrendous. I woke up at 4 and realised that this was the utter lowest of lows: medicine, as well as being all I could think about, had now breached my subconscious. I mean, if I was going to have medical dreams, the diseases could at least have been correct and then I'd have been getting some revision out of it. Dayyamn.

We've had some pretty bloody pointless lectures. And I'm having trouble staying awake during the more important ones. Well, if they WILL insist on having them at 9am, no amount of caffeine overdose will keep me awake ¬_¬

During an extensive work session, Jamie read 'Manubrio-Sternal joint' as 'Mandasubrial joint' in a moment of epic dyslexia. It shall henceforth be referred to as the Mandasubrial joint.

We dissected a heart on Wednesday. Well, my group did. I stood back because I felt very flu-y and didn't want to upchuck on the cadaver we'd be using for the rest of this year.

I have not purchased Mass Effect 2.

I bought a penguin poster for my room!

Apparently I have another penguin poster, but it's currently sat in Heckmondwike...Dammit.

Work, gruesomeness aside, is actually really rather fun, and all clinical, and feels much more like medicine :D I am enjoying this whilst I still can :|

I must be one of the only people on Earth not to have seen Avatar yet. There are tribes in the Amazon who dream of Pandora, and yet I just can't be bothered.

I am missing certain people of Wolverhampton, and their baby bear addition to the family *Sigh*.

One Republic's 'All the right moves' and 'Secrets' are awesome.

Gawd, well if you got this far, I applaud your committment, really. Naturally I'll have left out some major piece of life-changing information, but it's all good. Now I'm going to go re-read Chuck Palahniuk books, starting with Diary/Fight Club. It feels GOOD having time to read :D
Over and out.

"Let's call him Archie, so when he misbehaves we can address him as Archibald"

2010-01-24T21:53:00.000Z

I think it's only right that this post is completely about Archie. Let's face it, I've thought of little else since Tuesday evening.

Anyone that doesn't know- Archie is (was) my cat. I got him in June of year 12- the exact date is marked by a little note in my mobile's calendar that says 'Archie :D'. He was a kitten, ten weeks old, who'd been found as a stray and taken in by the local shelter, but they didn't have room for him, so if they didn't find anyone, they were going to put him down. I have wanted a cat with all my heart since I was tiny, so you cannot imagine how much it meant to me when this woman turned up with this black kitten, with white paws and a little white neck-tie shaped patch.

I don't know if it makes sense to people who haven't had pets, or had a cat, but there's a kind of peace about them. I spent a lot of summer of year 12 just sat on the stairs, with Archie fast asleep in my lap. And I couldn't bear the thought that he'd have been put down- it's a helpless animal. I literally intended to protect him for the rest of his life- slightly pathetic, I know, but he was just a baby- who abandoned him??

Hyperactive moments- he was jittery around people, and left me with the scar that runs vertically down my wrist in a self-harm-like way, when he tried to scrabble away from me because the family were being loud around us. So now I'm left with a permanent reminder that utterly depresses me every time I see it.

He had slightly psychotic times- the first time (okay, every time) he saw his reflection in my bedroom mirror, he growled, arched his back, and ran at it in an attempted attack. I have numerous videos- again, painful.

Last Easter, when he got stuck up a tree- twice, and practically wailed all night long- that's one I'll never forget. Oh, and when the other cat that hangs round in our garden attacked him ¬_¬ Little shit.

So yeah. Coming home on Tuesday, I noted that he wasn't there, but he's not usually in the house on an evening so it didn't stand out. My aunty asking me, 'Have you heard about Archie?' didn't seem weird, I just thought he'd done something stupid. My mum insisting that I sit down before she told me what he'd done...well, that kind of told me everything I needed to know. Turns out he was hit by a car a week ago- the day after I left Dewsbury for Leicester. The neighbour brought him to the door in a box, and my parents spent the day digging in our snow-frozen garden to bury him. Turns out I'd walked right past where he was buried on my way in, and hadn't noticed the new wooden stick that was placed there as a marker. I sort of attempted a joke about him dying of old age by the time I'd finished my degree before I properly started crying. I was also furious. I don't care who the driver was, but I want to them to burn for leaving him out there in the cold, hurt and alone. It's the cruelty of it that still gets to me.

Still, drama over now, and I've stopped welling up at stupid times. I've spent the week studiously avoiding looking at his spot on the stairs, or the landing outside my bedroom. Every time we get back from somewhere I expect him to burst out of the trees of the neighbour's garden, where he used to wait until he heard us open the gate, and would come to wait on the front step, so he could run inside before us when we opened the door. I mean, shit. How long til I forget that?

I get that it's stupid to get this cut up over a pet, but to me, it meant so much to finally get a cat, that Archie was literally a dream come true. He delighted me every time I saw him, without fail, and even up to last week I used to just sit with him as he was curled up in his favourite spot out in the hallway, and watch him sleep. Maybe it's just something about me and non-human company. No social skills needed whatsoever for a cat to appreciate you. I will miss him like hell- so will the rest of my family, but I can safely say we fed him like a Pakistani, and collectively loved him to bits.

*Tribute post over*

Raindrops on roses, defibrillators and kittens.

2010-01-13T13:00:00.000Z

Firstly, a poem, massacred in my honour by Bryony and, I felt, strangely apt...

Raindrops on roses, defibrilators and kittens
Bright copper explosions and fingerless mittens
Colourful paperclips and playing with string
These are a few of your favourite things....

As pointed out to Bryony, when I read this, I was in fact wearing fingerless mittens (There was a cold draught coming from the window which froze my knuckles and..yeah), and had been playing with string that morning. Hence, I am indeed honoured by this. Also, Bryony, regarding your comment, I emphasised that the decade was a 'personal' fail- it was a definite win friends-wise, lol.

Coming back to uni has made me feel incredibly weird: like I'm having to settle in all over again. I have absolutely no wish to leave my room ever again, and no wish for human contact beyond what is absolutely necessary. Last night I stood pressed against my door, literally starving but completely unable to leave the room. My flatmates are lovely, so this is completely irrational :S It seems there is yet progress to be made on the conquering-one's-own-mind front.

I was meant to go in to an embryology revision lecture today, but slept in and woke up at the ungodly hour of 11. Fail. Though I'm not too bad on embryology... touchwood....

Got 'Bridge to Terabithia', the latest birthday present I have ever received! Thank you, E-madness. Naturally, soppy friendship/coming-of-age films are where it's at.

I have 3 followers!!! This is so exciting! Despite the term 'followers' making me slightly paranoid, and despite the fact I know two of them *waves to Jamie and Rabiya, and apologises to Jamie for not coming in this morning due to being asleep*

Anyone else fancy Dixy chicken for breakfast? Is that bad? It's bad, isn't it? Just a short bus ride away... *mmm*

Aherm. As you can see, I have had no breakfast yet. And making breakfast would require me to leave my room, which means another epic battle against my useless twit of a subconscious.

I have discovered that having brothers is drastically different to having sisters in terms of the advice one is given. When I told the brother of my homesickness/wish to stay in my room, his solution was 'Have yourself a great big sandwich'. He was not specific as to the details, but he is pretty sure that a sandwich, in some shape or form, will solve everything. The other, younger brother spent the whole time making strange faces at the webcam.

Speaking of which, the skype conversations held between myself and the entire family every evening since I arrived are much fun. Especially since the Wolverhampton crew is still there, and so webcam conversations are interrupted by Hasan telling me something about ladybirds/quotes from Kung Fu Panda, or Aunty Em /my mum wandering past with baby Ibrahim, who is nothing short of a baby bear. *Melts*

Think I'll go have some soup now. My days have fallen into the routine of eat, revise, iPlayer break, revise, eat, iPlayer break. Now also interspersed with the reading of Empire magazine, which I brought as cheer-up. Oh, and I want to watch the Hurt Locker.

I'll go now. Back to revision. Never surrender, etc.

*waves*

She talks to herself. A lot.

2010-01-01T03:10:00.000Z

It's a New Year, and I don't feel any different.
Not to sound depressive or anything, but I don't get the huge fuss that surrounds new year... sure, you'll make a resolution, then drink yourself into stupidity til you forget it, then get depressed in the huge anticlimax that is the day after new year's day, and then...life as normal again..? And much as I love fireworks, I can't help thinking that the thousands that they spent on the fireworks for the big countdown in London could have been put to better use... how about matching it, and giving that amount to charity as a New Year gesture?
Another thing that pissed me off was the montage on the BBC- they showed the major events of each year this decade. Good stuff- winning the olympic bid, etc. Serious stuff- 9/11, 7/7. Stars who died. What struck me was that there was no mention of conflicts... it's a year since Gaza was obliterated. If they're going to have moments of silence in their decade montage for Michael Jackson dying, then why not have people remember the conflicts that rocked this decade as well, and people in these zones who are still suffering? I get that they couldn't cover everything, but it just annoys me that there was no mention at all except the obligatory 'oh, and the Iraq war started'. Surely something like this is more important than the first winner of Strictly Come Dancing?
*Sigh*. Yep. Social conscience kicks in, just as everyone's pissed out of their minds.
People keep asking me what my New Year's Resolution is. No different to last year's, I guess. Or the year before. Etc. Generally survive, be of use, avoid breakdowns, not piss anyone off. I think that literally boils down to...live and let live? :)
As for the last decade, I'd have to say that personally, ie me-wise, it was an epic fail. I have high hopes for the next one though, since I'm now at the point where I can hold a conversation and maintain eye contact, can practically look at myself in a mirror, and recognise that being a human pressure cooker is not healthy. In short, the side effects of high school are wearing off. This is always a good thing.
I was thinking, the next time we're celebrating the end of the decade, I'll be almost thirty :| That's a bloody scary thought, considering how this last ten years definitely did not feel like ten years. It's scary to think what could happen (especially if, like me, you constantly run through every possible worst case scenario in your head). By then I could be a doctor. Or I could have failed at the first hurdle and found something completely different to do (English Lit lecturer, specialising in Hamlet sounds oh-so-tempting). Quite honestly though, it doesn't matter- the job will never be anything more than a job, whether it's as a consultant, teacher, whatever. Rather be happy and working for someone than concentrate on climbing the career ladder and have no life. It's never been about the money. Comfortable means a lot of things, but if I'm comfortable, I don't care what I'm doing for a job. Sometimes I think I'm not cut out to be a doctor because I'm not outgoing, personally ambitious, or especially competitive. I just want to be helping, in general, because this would make me happy. The brother tells me I'll change my mind after seven years of slaving away, and I will want to get to the top of my profession. I'll be surprised if I do. But what do I know :| Personality transplants have happened, I guess. I might look back at this in five years and laugh at my green, sheltered, not-yet-disillusioned self.
So there it is. Possibly the most introspective, coherent, and boring, I have been on here. Well, the function of the blog is to organise the filing cabinet that's been set on fire in my head, so I make no apologies for the wild variation in content.
Suppose I'll get some sleep now.Or not. I'm in a thinking mood, in case you didn't notice.
*waves*

"I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies..."

2009-12-20T21:51:00.000Z

Right, so I'm sat at my desk with fifty revision books/textbooks set out in front of me, and I can't quite bring myself to face enzymes and enzyme regulation just yet, thanks very much, so I'm avoiding it like the plague. Suffice it to say that today was a royal failure for revision, through no fault of my own, and I'm going to stop talking about revision now because it's depressing me.

On the plus side, I'm wearing the loveliest pair of grey striped wrist (forearm?) warmers known to man- they have holes for your thumb to go through! This, coupled with my fluffy slipper-boots, means I am so cosy it's unebelievable. *Loves*

SNOW! I'm always enchanted by snow. It's the way it sparkles- I am a sucker for anything that sparkles. And it's so deep! I may have got frostbite in my toes (still can't feel them, three hours later), but it was worth it :D I took waaay too many photos- the view from my bedroom window is epic, especially when it's all white (landscape racism...?)

Oh, and Emad made his first snowman today! I felt that it needed permanently recording, despite him not having elaborated on it yet. The world (or...the other three readers) should know, he has discovered his youth.

Sherlock Holmes next week! *Downey Jr happy attack* And Doctor Who! And Hamlet! I will find the time ¬_¬

OH! John Simm is going to play Hamlet at the Sheffield Crucible in September 2010!! I've never been to the theatre, and if the first time I went was to see him doing Hamlet, I do believe I might die of happiness. What a legend, and what a play :D So if ANYONE feels like they might owe me some huge debt (hey, it's possible), then look into it, and you'll shoot to the very top of my 'favourite people/people who do not intimidate me' list. How does that benefit you, you might ask? Well... I'll figure something out :) Currently my plan is, if nobody comes forward, to perform a spontaneous emergency tracheotomy on some unsuspecting passer by in the street, thus earning their gratitude, and guilt tripping them into buying me tickets. Anyone got a better idea?

Current obsessive phase- Green Day. I listened to Boulevard of Broken Dreams for the first time in years, and it brought it all flooding back. Dayyamn.

Also, plan on watching 'Let the Right One In' tonight. It's apparently good, have wanted to watch it for a while.

Right, I need to STOP procrastinating and get on with some work :(

*Drags feet*

Over and out... unless anyone's got something important to add, which would mean I'd have to stay and couldn't possiby return to my work...?

No...?

*Sigh*

Myelinated/Unmyelinated axons.

2009-12-06T15:08:00.001Z

The title isn't relevant, but that's what came up as a suggestion in the box when I started typing 'M...', and I was so amused that I decided to keep it :)
After over half of my readership (2 out of 3) contacted me with regards to updating my blog, I felt that I must respond to popular demand and oblige. So here I am, conveniently finding the time to update just as I finish my breakfast (prawn sandwich, chocolate Frijj, and a Muller Amore walnut and greek honey yoghurt, with mint matchmakers for dessert) and have no other excuse to avoid work.
Eid last week, and a four day weekend! Dayyamn, it felt good. Even if I still haven't caught up with the lectures I missed on Friday (yes, that's what I'm meant to be doing now). Nice to have the whole family round- it gets quiet in Leicester. And naturally, I stuffed my face. Oh, I forgot to mention the disastrous train journey home on the Thursday- a suicide on the line up ahead meant the train stopped for about an hour, then got diverted, then terminated in the middle of nowhere :| Not good. Just something about me and public transport.
I think I blogged about that time I slammed face first into a guy on the bus, during the first few weeks of uni..? Well, people, I did it again- except this time, I called the lift, and when it arrived I naturally stepped forward, only to find my face embedded in the jacket of the guy walking out of it. We simultaneously shouted 'Shit!', except my shout was noticeably muffled. Here's to social suicide.
Our first HOMED fundraiser thing is this week- yay! Collecting basic household items for 'welcome to your new home' packs for people who get moved into their own accomodation. And we're making it a competition between groups :) Woo
Oh, we had our communication skills seminar- finally had to interview the simulated patient about 'knee pain', in front of the rest of the group. Incredibly nerve wracking stuff. But apparently it wasn't evident that I was close to vomiting over the actress playing the patient, so this can only be a good thing.
Iplayer is still down! It hasn't worked for almost two weeks now! I cannot cope! *screams* I NEED to watch Spooks. And it was a Lucas episode last week too :( Bloody John Foster internet. They pick their times.
I have discovered a new tolerance for soup, despite the fact I used to detest it because it reminded me of illness and depression. However, I can now get through Minestrone with croutons quite happily. I do like croutons....
Oh, and I would like to note, for the record, that I haven't bitten my nails for over a month and now have visible nails! This is awesome. I give it til exam week.
And I finished a story! Or rather, finished the first draft. This is progress.
Since Emad's posting music videos lately, I thought I'd go back to a classic Office clip (except I have no idea how to embed, so you'll just have to make do with a link) :

The Office- Yeppers

Over and out :)

You know it's bad when your virtual voice is louder than your actual voice.

2009-11-22T00:45:00.000Z

I thought I'd take the advantage of blogging whilst I was in a good mood :)
So I went home last weekend, due to yet another three day weekend being FORCED upon us by these crazy admin people. Fun :) A shopping spree in Huddersfield, pizza hut etc. This is me with Harold Wilson in front of Hudds railway station, where they've built amazing fountain-like things. It's rather lovely :)

That purple one is the waterfall-y thing that changes colour! I spazzed.
Plans for this week include two days at De Montfort uni where we'll do an interprofessional development session, ie work with nursing and pharmacy students to do group activities and learn the importance of multidisciplinary teamwork... :| Basically to stop doctors being so cocky, and nurses hating doctors so much. I think it'll be alright-ish.
Also, on Wednesday might be visiting a day centre for homeless people in Leicester to look round and decide on fundraising ideas, which I'm really looking forward to. Either way, I'm on the HOMED committee now :D This is very cool.
I've managed to lose my voice, and acquire what appears to be a man-voice in it's place. Or it was a man voice. It's now progressed to a sort of low, husky tone which becomes a squeak if I raise the tone of my voice. Woo for loss of dignity.
Went for a group outing on Wednesday- Nandos and then we watched 2012 (Ben and Jerries chocolate fudge brownie- DAYyamn). This was rather awesome.
And I spent the last two days horribly depressed, but have suddenly managed to cheer up. Personally, I believe it was due to the return of some semblance of creativity, since I was able to write four pages of story today :D Haven't been able to write owt for aaaages. This means I am not an utter failure.
Not much more to add, except home next weekend :D wooness
Certain songs by Taylor Swift may have become slight obsessions. Aherm.
I swear there was something else important...it might have to wait...
*waves*
Over and out :)

The utter lack of sunshine (except on a mug).

2009-11-11T21:36:00.001Z

A collection of things that have happened, in the order that I remember them:

T'was my birthday on Saturday! Had an awesome 3-day weekend generally surrounded by the family and far too much food, and felt well loved *warm fuzziness*. Awesome presents included a Toshiba netbook (!!!) which I have named Dug, a Little Miss Sunshine mug (I believe it may have been sarcastic), a LOT of chocolate, a penguin of death bookmark, a cat of glory, a small balloon, a trinket box, general money (given in sympathy, due to my student status), an amazing perfume, Woolies online pic n mix, and a personalised Thorntons chocolate box with an adorable photo of Hasan on it! The list makes me sound incredibly materialistic- I just want to be able to remember in a year's time, lol. In fairness, I would have truly just been happy being home for that weekend. After a fortnight in Leicester, I was flagging.
I have been assigned a dissertation patient with an underlying condition that I have to study, and this is very cool indeed.
My mental state has declined over this week, due to the utter shit-ness of the weather, to the point that I was reduced to not being able to move yesterday out of sheer depression.
I am heartsick. Utterly, painfully heartsick. Words fail me.
I have once again started putting on that nasty nailbiting stuff after it became apparent that getting into medical school was not enough for me to stop eating my fingers- I was unable to touch anything last Friday due to fingertip-agony.
I have discovered that finding out you have a parcel waiting at reception is possibly the most exciting feeling in the world.
We, as a family, have discovered the joys of skype. Yesterday I sat and had dinner with the rest of my family- they put the laptop on the kitchen table at home and talked to me like I was sat there with them, lol. It was great :D
I got lost in Oadby, and despite literally not having a clue where I was, and freezing my face off, this was a lot of fun. Solo-walks are something I've missed a lot. Time to think and all that.
I have an exam tomorrow. Who'dve guessed. She only writes a blog when there's something more important to do. Better get back to the bloody revision.

Well, thanks for making my birthday lovely, people :) The thought counts a lot. (*whispers* And the chocolate counts even more). Aherm, lol.
And on that bombshell, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to end the show. Good night!

Good mood (How's that for a change?!)

2009-11-04T19:38:00.001Z

Evening :)
My train tickets for Friday are booked! HOME! *ET moment*
*ET moment comes to abrupt halt as Humaira stares, bemused, at lit-up fingertip*
Also, birthdayness on Saturday, always good :D Makes me feel like this:

Last year of being a teenager :| How strange. Not that I really did being a teenager justice, having avoided anything voluntary that included other people, but if I could go back I'd do it all over again, so what the hell. I am impressed that I've survived up to 18 though, following my assumption at six years old that life stopped at twelve. It's all been a bit 'abyss' since then.
I got post today! Admittedly, I sent it to myself, because it was a DVD I ordered. But that's not the point. Tis called 'In America' and Paddy Considine and Djimon Hounsou (YES! From Blood Diamond!) are in it. Woo.
Going to return Clockwork Orange having been told it's really not worth the hype by anyone I've asked. Anyone got any suggestions what to exchange it for?
My hands are covered in biro, as I have far too much to do and no capacity to remember it. I even resorted to making a list on the inside of my wrist. It spans the length of my forearm. Problem is it keep washing off, so I keep having to write over faded parts, which makes the list incomprehensible.I would greatly appreciate it if anyone who reads this would send me a text tomorrow that reads 'GP, MGD work, BAG, MGD book, CLOTHES'. Seriously. I will forget to look at my hand/wrist. I'm not particularly observant, not that you needed to be told that.
Yes, this was a blatant attempt to get out of work. Yes, I'm going to do it now. Before Spooks! :D
*waves to all*
:)

Conversations with Homeless People

2009-10-31T17:16:00.000Z

I'm warning you now, it'll be a kind of lengthy post. :)
Before talking about the title, I should first point out the awesomeness of last weekend- Three day weekend, two birthday parties, one in Wolverhampton, one in Dewsbury. Much cake and generally amazing food was eaten, and much catching up was done with the ever-more-immobile Aunty em :D Thank you, by the way, t'was lovely. Hasan, as ever, was gorgeous, and his rendition of a Dark Dark Tale was spine chilling. Once back in Dewsbury, further junk food was had, plus another cake and my mum's generally awesome cooking. Catching up was also done with parents and brothers, which was rather lovely. And I found that Archie had a cold, and my dad was administering human eye drops to him... apparently you can... *shrugs*
The downside: being pelted with peas by ten little shits (from either Earsheaton or Chickenley) in Asda, who had peashooters and weren't afraid to use them against brown people invading their chav turf. Grr.

Minus what shall be referred to as the frozen vegetable incident, great weekend. Aherm.

So I ended up in Leicester city centre today, and decided to just wonder round. My theory was if I got lost a few times and re-navigated my way back to the bus stop, I'd get a better idea of where everything was. I *think* it worked. Wondering round by myself was nice :) I haven't really had a day when I've been free to do anything, without a schedule, for a while now. Time to think, and all that. I bought several pointless items- junk food, and Clockwork Orange on DVD, because it's one of the few things I want to watch before I read the book.
Going into Cafe Nero for a panini, I went to sit down and was stopped by a Bosnian woman with two babies. She had some paper asking for help because she needed to buy food for her kids. I gave her some money, however naive it was.
I was waiting at the bus stop to come back, when an Asian guy approached me- it was a slightly more disturbing exchange:
Guy: Sister, do you think you could help me with 70p for the bus?
Me: (He looked slightly dangerous, so I thought I'd just give him it) Erm..yeah. Hold on.
Guy: You a student? Just been shopping? Bet you're tired, bless you.
Me: (Smile and nod etc) Here's 70.
Guy: So...what do you think of them illegal drugs, then?
Me: (Alarmed) What?
Guy: Skunk, weed, all that stuff...You think they mess with your head?
Me: I guess they do, yeah.
Guy: Yeah, I did em for a while, but then I got schizophrenia. Now I'm on tablets and stuff.
Me: (Looking for some kind of escape route, yet strangely interested) There is a debate about whether cannabis causes schizophrenia. (Yes, I realise the ridiculousness of starting this conversation with him, my head was screaming at me). I...stay away from them myself...
Guy: Yeah... it's bad for your head. Anyway, thanks for this sister. Bye!
And he walked away, leaving me a little bit unsure as to how to react to that. People at the bus stop were all pointedly pretending to read books whilst silently judging me. Woo.
I don't even know where to stand with stuff like that. I always take pity on people who ask for help, because with that woman, what if I was the reason her kids went hungry that night? Or if this guy actually was a bit mental, and homeless? My mum says I'm too soft though, and shouldn't have even talked to him. I guess she's right. *Sigh*. Not cut out for city life.
So yeah. Now back at halls, reflecting on how most of the money I spent today was given to supposedly homeless people.And I didn't get cookies, though I will tomorrow when I go to Asda. Got oreos as a temporary substitute, woo!
Over and out, hello to all etc.

Grey days.

2009-10-20T17:05:00.000+01:00

Utterly depressed. One of those days, I believe. Of course, it could be down to the fact that it is horribly grey outside and there hasn't been a hint of blue in the sky since yesterday, and that it's just that nasty kind of rain that isn't enough for you to get out an umbrella but still ends up soaking you.
Urgh.
And I stayed in the library to catch up on work and still feel waay far behind. *Sigh*
And we've started genetics. Which tends to melt my brain at the best of times.
And I'm blogging because my head hurts and so I do not wish to face Tissues of the Body just yet, thank you very much.
And I don't think I can face another vegetarian meal. :| Twenty nine minutes and counting.
And it's windy! Like the weather could get any worse!
And I'm now homesick because of the nastiness of this weather and day.
Okay, I shall leave this pointless monologue where it stands and look forward to the only good point of today- the HOMED event which is tonight. Obviously, have to come back and do Tissues of the Body, but I suppose it's gotta be done at some point.
Bring on the weekend. ¬_¬

Societies and socialising.

2009-10-16T00:09:00.000+01:00

Why yes, my title IS catchy :D I thought of it myself.
So the Medsin meeting was yesterday- it's kind of an umbrella society with loads of organisations/projects/campaigns going on, all centred around equal healthcare rights, locally and globally. I sound like their spokesperson already :| lol. But I did think they were wicked. The meeting was just them introducing all their projects, so you could pick out whatever you wanted to get involved in.
I really liked the sound of HOMED, which is all about removing the stigma attached to the homeless in Leicestershire- so you could do campaigns, or go to the shelters, or organise clothing collections, stuff like that. I think it would be wicked :D Also liked the idea of Crossing Borders, which helps asylum seekers in Leicester- so you can help with teaching English as a foreign language, or general stuff like that. They had a Christmas box collection last year so all the kids got presents at Christmas, it sounded really nice :)
Also, there's the Kenyan Orphan Project, where you get to spend two weeks in Kenya and visit the schools, health centres, GPs etc, and you get to spend time with the kids. It looked absolutely wicked, but I doubt I'll get to go since there's only like 11 places. Still, going to find out a bit more about it.
Of course, I could be speaking too soon, but it's the kind of stuff I've always wanted to get involved in, so it's nice to have the opportunity there.
There was Medsin lecture this evening, which I went to - Poverty and Parasites in Sub Saharan Africa. The speaker was a professor from Imperial College London, and the lecture was wicked. All about the different parasites, how widespread they are in Africa, and how easily treatable they are- the drugs are actually dirt cheap but it's just the organisation and distribution etc that gets complicated. I thought I should go because I've always thought that if I became a doctor, I'd want to go to Africa and be helping out where I was most needed. But obviously, being completely sheltered, it's a naive dream to have if I know nothing about Africa in the first place except for what I see on TV. So I'm trying to educate myself more about global health and how it all works. I think this was a good place to start, really glad I went. There's also going to be a Global Health week-long course in June at certain unis, so I'd love to look into that.
Lol, was well inspired :) I think it shows. Ah well. Can't hurt to have a dream.
I have nothing else interesting to say...just watching one of the documentaries that the professor recommended, all about sleeping sickness in the Congo. Interesting stuff, but quite sad. And I should probably be asleep, lol.
G'nite all (I say all, I have an audience of about 3).
:)
*waves*

Not-so-subtle-subtlety,

2009-10-13T17:30:00.000+01:00

This is a blatant attempt, orchestrated by my subconscious, to keep me away from my work.
That and the Leicester Blackboard site won't let me access any of the work :( But hey, can't be helped. Times like these, my cool-head-in-a-crisis ability comes in use. Improvisation...it's just what I do. Guess I'll just have to...eat and then have a nap.
Hurrah! Or 'Huzzah' as a rather fantastic block-mate said yesterday, when he remembered my name :D
I have nothing new to tell. Well, I have lots to tell but I'm supposed to be using my time more productively. So I'm going for dinner now :)
Hello to everybody, and I promise more coherent posts at some point
:)
*waves*

Winding down like clockwork.

2009-10-04T14:09:00.001+01:00

Asda chocolate sundaes make great breakfast :D
T'has been a hell of a busy week. Tuesday involved the scariest biochemistry lectures I have ever experienced, and in fact I'm only typing this blog because I'm avoiding the long calculations sheet we were given to complete in our own time- apparently we have to be comfortable with volumes, concentrations, dilutions and conversions. Who am I kidding- I knew that, I was just hoping it'd conveniently never come up :|

Wednesday- I went to see Sorority Row in the evening with my rather lovely flatmates :D The film was fairly awful, and jumpy (so I watched most of it through my fingers) but we had a laugh. In fairness I was concentrating more on my Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge chunk. Woo!

Thursday consisted of the most boring lecture on earth- Health and Disease in Populations (shortened to HADPop, but I'll never get used to that). Even the lecturer admitted it was pretty boring. I fell asleep for a good two minutes and woke up to Jessie and Sarah laughing at me. Bad memories of year 12 chemistry conferences where I may or may not have fallen asleep...

On Friday we had a lecture on consultation and communication skills at the Leicester Royal Infirmary- it felt very weird indeed sat in a hospital lecture theatre. We're going to have sessions where we get to take patient histories as a group, and practice taking vital signs etc. I think it'll be more fun than I'm expecting it to be. Things usually are... :)

Saturday- the ultimate laziest day on earth. Got up at 10 (which usually I'd be mortified at, but after a fortnight of seeing 06:30 on my alarm clock, it felt like I'd slept forever). I then toodled downstairs to the dining hall for 'brunch', which was decidedly nasty (a Hummus and carrot wrap?! Carrots?!), and then tried to work out how to get to Asda. Having found said Asda, I shopped (very economically- woo for Asda brand stuff!) and came back. Then dossed and slept and ate and watched inconsequential US dramas, sat with flatmates for a bit, then watched more stuff until about 4 in the morning (I didn't want to sleep early and waste my Saturday night). Also that evening, very scarily, we found a man wondering round our flat, with no reason for being here. He kept changing his story, then left when we all appeared in the doorway, :| So we called the warden, who said she'd seen him wondering round another block earlier, and she called security. I'm really hoping he was someone's dad, but it definitely didn't seem like it :| Using the peephole from now on.

Today I got up at 11, which felt goood, and because I didn't fancy the brunch after yesterday, wondered up to Asda again. It's a gorgeous walk :D All sunny with trees on either side and autumn leaves raining down *poetic moment*. I have brought myself cookies and some kind of jalapeno crisps to get me through the week :D Woo!
Oooh, also, I saw the Head of Anatomy and Dissection in Asda! Is it wrong to be starstruck by a lecturer...?
Now back to those calculations, I'm afraid.... *sigh*
In a while, crocodiles :)

An attempt at shorter blog posts.

2009-09-28T23:20:00.001+01:00

So I'm going to aim for shorter entries from now. Aherm. Today I made a mind map. Do not laugh, because I'm fairly sure I've done it wrong (God knows how you mess up a mind map), and I'll find out tomorrow when my group laughs at me for being a plank.

I also think I'm getting slightly more used to this whole uni thing... Though everyone (okay, most people) seems to be really intelligent, and this makes me feel a little thick. When you're stood in a line for the Fresher's fair and there's guys behind you discussing the intertwining philosophy of religion and free market, when all you can think of is the free pizza slices Dominos are giving out, you know something's wrong.

That pizza tasted bloody good after an hour in the queue though. Dayyamn.

Was collared by the Islamic Society (why do muslims have to pay, and non muslims join for free...?) and told to come to an Eid meal on Thursday. All I heard was 'free food' and before I knew it my hand was writing out my email address of its own accord.

Good god :| On the subject of food (because I can't seem to get off it), I've discovered I'll eat anything if I'm hungry enough. And I am hungry enough. I'll also sleep anywhere (although I already knew this, having slept on a cardboard box for three weeks when I stayed at my grandparents' house in Saudi several years ago. They ran out of beds and floor space. It was that or outside.).

So...is this about the right length for a blog..? I'll stop typing anyhow. Proper work starts tomorrow, so I may attempt to force myself to sleep now, as I seem to keep dropping off in morning lectures.

Big shout out to all ma...erm...homies...(?) round da country. God knows why I just did that. I'm a little tipsy, naturally. Remind me never to drink again etc. :)

*Also waves to aunty em, her committed family member/reader*

In a while, crocodile.

LEICESTER!

2009-09-25T10:39:00.000+01:00

So I write this from a computer in the medical building, where I am killing time before 11:00 when I have to go join my group to finish off a presentation, and there is a LOT to tell you so I'm just not gunna breathe and will instead plunge into a bullet point list which details pretty much everything that has happened.

Sunday- Arrived fairly depressed at having to miss Eidness, and was left by family at about 1:00pm, so made the daunting walk to Beaumont hall where all the medics were made to 'mingle' til half 5. So I talked to people *shock horror* and went between different circles and generally was sociable. And Sarah discovered that I was coming to Leicester (as she wasnt' aware of this), so this was a good moment. Sunday night involved going to a Shisha place (no, I didn't, I don't and I never will) where I had chocolate milkshake and was talked to by very nice people in the older years. And just as I was going to get a taxi back to halls, some 4th/3rd/2nd years told me and another girl to come for a meal with them. Which was lovely :) Warm and fuzziness.
Monday- I think the shock of moving away set in, because I couldn't find Sarah, and was talking to people but nobody in particular was sticking around. So, whilst wondering around the medic fresher's fair alone, I found myself welling up at very awkward moments and without any control whatsoever. Not good. Monday night, I discovered Sarah again and we decided to skip the pub (I know, but I can't party EVERY day) and watch the Tale of Despereaux in my room, whilst drinking hot chocolate. This was good, except for the film, which turned out to be shit. Let's just say the plot involves soup and a murdering troll-woman. Avoid.
Tuesday- Highlight of the day- the last lecture, which we were told would be an actual subject lecture on Emergency Medicine. The lecturer was an absolute dragon, who refused to take questions and used complete jargon whilst flicking through the slides at 70mph. A guy who tried to answer a question was told his answer was stupid, whilst a girl whose phone rang was told to get out and not come back. Just as we were all wondering how to texplain failing this exam at the end of the year, the last slide came up, saying '100% of this lecture was true, but 0% is relevant to first year medics on their second day at medical school'. They got us good :) Apparently it's a yearly tradition, and all the older year medics were sat in the lecture theatre next door, watching us on camera and pissing themselves. Nice.
Wednesday- A day of groupwork, and then at night we went to a comedy club thing,and 4 standup comedians performed there. T'was very funny indeed, and much fun.
Thursday- More groupwork on a project about Leicester, and then me and another girl went and got Pizza Hut (but I had to sadly break into my emergency supply of pepsi cans, so I'm down to only one now :| Must replenish stocks). In the evening, there was a film night for the non drinkers, where we watched Angels and Demons (I voted Blood Diamon, but we lost by one voter, dammit). I have discovered that Angels and Demons is even more shit the second time. Woo. Oh! And we visited the dissection room in the afternoon! Saw a cadaver, and were told all about the learning of anatomy. The demonstrator opened (?) the chest so we saw how the lungs, heart and liver all sit in relation to each other. I wasn't queasy, but if anything, it was a little depressing to think that this was a person :( Not something I think I'll get used to.
And that leads us to now! Friday morning. Coming home tomorrow, wooness! It's sunny outside, hence my cheery mood, and me and Sarah walked through Victoria Park to get here, which is reeeeally lovely. Picnics would be great, and are in the pipeline. So yeah. The proper course starts on Monday, which I'm a little nervous about, but what the hell. Here now. I WILL make it work, lol. And from this weekend I'll actually have internet in my room too, so that's one good thing.

Over and out, people :) Hope all's good.
*waves*

Memories

2009-09-18T23:42:00.000+01:00

Because they just have to be immortalised :)

First day of year seven- turning round and saying 'hi' to the slightly high-pitched girl with a short brown bob, and the quiet smiley one with curly blonde hair and a headband :D
Weardale- our year seven residential- Bryony scaring Jenny in her bunk bed. Me sitting in the corner of the pub at the disco, and refusing to budge, instead watching the teachers get slowly more drunk at the next table.
Being told 'You are unique. You are special.' by Fozzard in our first RE lesson, and having to write a piece about just how unique and special we were. Sneddon walking in late after getting lost.
Skiving drama lessons, telling Mr Hutchins I felt sick and then going to sit in the toilets for the rest of the lesson. Also, daydreaming at the crucial moment in the 'fall backwards' trust exercise, thus dropping Bryony.
Dr Williamson demanding of a terrified Beth: 'If I was a woman, where would my uterus be?!'
France trip- Sitting outside a pub to drink coke and getting weird looks. Jenny falling asleep on my shoulder in the coach, and me pushing her out into the aisle :D
Year 8- Miss Loosemore having breakdowns in maths lessons. 'That' fall out that took up most of the year. The SARS virus. Fran being a bitch. Mr Howard for chemistry, and his repeated use of the phrase 'magic'. Also, 'that' incident where he used a metre ruler as a Samurai sword to decapitate Pinder, having watched The Last Samurai the night before.
Year 9- Mr Cowling as a co-tutor and IT teacher! Stuff of legends. Sneddon leaving, and our complete devastation at this. Us moving into the true 'corner' and carving our names into the wall/floor. Me finishing my first book, and handing it in a ringbinder to Mr North, who read the whole thing for me :D Mr North doing his 'ill' voice when reading Z for Zachariah. Traumatic RE lessons with Fozzard, and Jenny's 'S' humiliation.
Year 10- Finally, Mr Cowling as a form tutor :) English lessons- the amazing Mrs Field, meeting the strange short guy who called me 'weird girl', and who I later learnt was called Saf. Saf offering to shake hands with me, subsequently electrocuting me when I took his hand. Me living with my grandma. The Black Book. Lund. (No explanation needed)
Year 11- Stu and Saf in English lessons: Painful. 'Touche'. Lund- again. Me having a full scale mental breakdown which culminated in being scared of everything- literally everything, insomnia, crying spontaneously, and an inability to walk into rooms. Me being coaxed from said breakdown by Jenny and Bryony (who were very motherly) and Mr Cowling (who just had his own nervous breakdown, which made me feel better).
Year 12- First critical thinking lesson- being paired up with the slightly paranoid-looking boy who refused to say more than a word, and who turned out to be Emad. Notes in lockers. "Call it". The Agency. Bursting into tears in school before January exams (having seen grade requirements for medicine), and having to be 'taken for a walk' by Jenny and Bryony, lol. Incredibly lengthy myspace comments/messages, sustained for over a year. Amnesty International and 'Troupey'. Lund. Yet again. Bangor, in all its horror, and a train journey sat opposite Lund, trying not to laugh whilst he read 'Astronomy today' magazine.
Year 13- Fear of failure. The absolute horror of UCAS. The incREDibly long wait before I got an interview, and the many breakdowns I had beforehand. Cheese and Beans on toast. Thursday frees with Jenny, Bryony and Zainab, spent bitching about anyone who crossed our path, or in Superdrug, with me rubbing all shades of Barry M eyeshadow onto my hands. Friday frees- pizza hut cookie dough and Morrisons dessert counter :D Spazzing about Hamlet/The Great Gatsby. Exam horror. Emad's mood swings, followed by his spazz-happiness :D Lund- would you believe it- again. The fairly emotional last day, and running away from school on cloud 9.

It's been...well, eventful :) I'll miss you people, if not school in all it's nasty tangy-socks-stink glory. *Sigh* I guess now I'd better go pack...?

Mood swings.

2009-09-16T23:22:00.001+01:00

My brother said to me last night, 'You know next week, when you're away, it'll be the longest we've ever been apart?'. I pointed out that I'd only be away a week, before I visited home again next Saturday. And then realised he was right- we've never been separated for longer than four days. :( Totally gutted.
And Archie wondered into my room today, mooching around the house as ever. Tried to jump up onto my bed, I removed him, he wondered back out and fell asleep on the landing. I'm going to miss that too. Why the hell did the universe allow me to finally get a kitten one year before I had to leave home?! I'm going to have to smuggle him with me. And the pictures an old one, but it's one of my favourites, because he looks so guilty :)

Okay, so I'll try to be less prematurely-homesick and more excited, gimme a sec *clears throat, pulls self together*
Hey everyone! UNI in 4 daayyyyys! OMG soooooo excited!
No, I can't do it, sorry. By the way, the use of the word 'Hun' pisses me off. Why do girls call other girls this? Aside from the fact it's patronising and reminiscent of the WW2 term for the Nazis, as a shortened form of 'Honey' it just sounds so...disgusting. Urgh. 'Honey' is actually preferable, and that's a big thing for me to say. Why must girls insist on calling other girls darling/honey/sweetheart/love anyway? She's not your child!

*Rant over. Well, not in my head, but I'll stop venting*

Iftari (the time when we break the fast) was set to be a quiet affair today- just me and my mum. So she invited two of her friends over, which normally intimidates me but they're very nice friends, so all was good. They also brought their children- two boys aged 2-5 and a 3 month old baby. Suffice it to say our house became a nursery. With the average decibel equivalent of a small aeroplane. Maintained for several hours. In this time:

An attempt was made to eat a small and fluffy Nemo cuddly toy
A fly swatter was used as a makeshift sword, and everybody in the house subsequently 'killed'.
A spiderman mask was donned, with the toddler wearing it transformed into a webbed superhero.
A state of the art new television was smeared with at least three types of household food items.
Lemon-scented cleaning wipes were somehow obtained, and used to 'clean' everything, including the toddler-in-question's shoes and mouth, in that order.
A dressing-up king's crown was found, and worn, with an incredible amount of pride, for the rest of the evening.
A substantial amount of strawberry yoghurt was propelled across the kitchen, after the perpetrator tried to blow a raspberry through a mouthful of petit filous.
A small toy motorbike ended up in the jug of water on the dinner table.

And all this time, the little 3 month old baby sat quite placidly, staring at the ceiling.
Chaos. It was great, though. I made friends with the baby, even managed to get him to tear his gaze from the ceiling for about 3 seconds, to look at me :D He was delectable. Can you call a baby delectable? He was, anyway. Like a little bear *goes all warm and fuzzy*.
Aherm. So yes. I haven't packed yet. Is that bad..? I think it is... I'll do it tomorrow. *Thumbs up*
Over and out (I don't care, Emad! I like that phrase!)

Frayed nerves.

2009-09-13T20:35:00.003+01:00

So..my blog is rebelling against me, and has refused to tell me when people leave comments, so I can't moderate them and therefore don't know if anyone's commented :( Saf left one, but only after he 'worked a bit of magic' in his own words- code for clicking the 'comment' button several thousand times until it posted. I mean, it's not as though I need comments to validate my existence (...aherm) but it'd be NICE if Blogger wouldn't be so NASTY after I FINALLY concede to starting a BLOG HERE! *Calms self*

So yeah... I wasn't intending on blogging every day, this is just a nervous reaction, because several things have come up at once since yesterday, after a long period of not having to worry about anything. And since I haven't worried in a few weeks, it makes a big change to have the same level of anxiety as I had on a constant basis for the last seven years. :| I know. Totally.

Firstly- Heartstart- Shehzad, the instructor got in touch and has asked me and Zainab to run another Heartstart course for two people from school who want it for their personal statements. This makes me anxious in two ways: Firstly, it brought back the whole personal statement nightmare of last September- bloody hell, bad times. Which in turn brings back all those mental crises I had, and even though they're irrelevant now, I still get that horrible stomach-dropping feeling when I think about it. Secondly, I worry about holding the course because I keep thinking I've forgotten it all, so I won't be able to relax until I've sat down and properly gone through all the theory/practical in my head, even though I know I have a basic grip of it all. Gah.

Second, Pass Plus- yes I am alive, it was yesterday. I nearly killed a van driver (and myself, and my instructor, and anyone else who was behind me) when I tried to change lanes and was checking the mirror, and didn't realise I was already veering into the lane. Aherm. Apart from that, it went swimmingly :) And I managed to maintain 70mph and not die! It's weird though, when you come off the motorway- 30 feels like a craaaaaaaawl. So it went fine in the end, but the initial anxiety about doing it has just thrown me off a bit and made me generally feel worried.

Thirdly, believe it or not, university. Alone. Like, me, alone, in a city. In principle, I love the thought of being alone. Practically..? Iiiiiii'm not so sure... Certain people had better come visit! I'm already waiting. I'd say I'll visit you, but you should know me well enough to be able to envision me ending up in Plymouth/somewhere obscure, having completely malfunctioned with my navigational skills. Or lack thereof. What am I going to do?! *Heads for the nearest corner for safety*

God, there's a thought...can you imagine if my room was round? :| It doesn't bear thinking about.

That and I'm going to miss people :( You know who you are and why, lol, so I'll spare individual sentimental addresses for another time. It took me seven years to make a small handful of friends, ie people who don't intimidate me, and act as the reassuring 'You'll be fine' voice in my head- you're telling me I've gotta do another seven, starting from scratch?! Well, universe, all I can say is you're a crafty git.

And so are you, blog, for refusing to allow me to read what comments I get :( <--- an attempt to see if the sad face elicits some sympathy from Blogger, which may then take pity on me and stop censoring my comments.

Impending doom.

2009-09-12T12:59:00.003+01:00

This may well be the last time I am speaking to you. I have just been informed by the parents that I have been booked in for a Pass Plus lesson (against my will!) at 3:00. I don't WANT to drive on the motorway! It's too fast! I can barely stay at 30mph on the roads as it is. And dammit, I only had a week left. Thought I could get away with putting it off until uni :( But no, I have to take it because according to my dad, 'You're driving to Leicester next week'. :|

*Listens to the sound of impending death approaching. It sounds a bit likea small, silver Vauxhall Corsa being over-revved.*

In other news, I went shopping with my mum (again, bad idea walking past all those food stores...) and acquired a small saucepan, in which to cook noodles. And...uh, that's as far as my culinary skills stretch. So I was not amused when the checkout guy at home bargains decided to be funny when he scanned my 18 packs of noodles, and said 'DO YOU LIKE NOODLES?!' before chuckling to himself. Git. Somebody give him a stage.

Further uni shopping involved the purchase of some stripy plates. Argh! I am too easily excited. They are excellent though. And I got multicoloured mixing bowls, too. Not that I know what I'm going to use them for :/ I mean, really... But they're multicoloured, and I'm easily pleased. The glowsticks are still sat in their tube, waiting to be snapped, and I love the fact that I *Can* snap them when I want to. Hence, I will not snap them, because then that feeling will go away and I will panic- as soon as they're snapped, time is running out and I will HAVE to make the most of them. Aherm.

Oh, I also bought a range of OCD cleaning materials (as did Emad apparently, when I spotted him at the supermarket and WAVED and just got BLANKED :P I'll let that go eventually). And I have Sharpies, for no reason other than they are colourful. Though I do want a purple one :( I'm pretty sure I've missed off something major in my packing... *scratches head*. Ah well. I'll have to find out the hard way.

Argh! Pass plus! *stomach-twisty-feeling*

Late night mass MSN conversations are where it's at. We have discovered that 'Cheese' is a good topic for diversions, if it ever gets awkward. Namely 'Ooh, I do like a bit of gorgonzola'.

Also, my Chelsea Cain book arrived on Wednesday! Finished it Wednesday night, naturally. I haven't read anything that isn't proper literature in a while, so it was great not to try to think about it too much. Damn, I'm sad.

Oh, and the whole family (pretty much) is coming over tonight to eat :D I love it when we all get together. We hardly ever do though :/ Dayyamn.

Nothing else major. I'm going back to listening to the sound of impending death. Oh, god. Really do not want to drive on the motorway. And what if my instructor says I've lost all my driving skills since I passed?! What if he says I should never have passed?! Argh! *Runs away screaming*

So yeah. Was nice knowing you. In a while (or never), crocodiles.

A discombobulation of information.

2009-09-05T16:22:00.003+01:00

The photograph on my desk calendar is not just of ice cream...it is soft, sumptuous, indulgent, cardiac-arrest-on-a-plate vanilla ice cream, drizzled with generous lashing of thick chocolate sauce...

Argh! This is what fasting does to me!

I had intended to write about my week with some sort of structure, but as ever, somebody knocked over the filing cabinet in my head, and then set fire to the contents, danced in the flames and THEN liberally coated the remains with chocolate sauce... No! *Stops self* There I go again.
I think I'll stick to a bullet point list of things that have happened, in no real order...

Jenny bought me a penguin finger puppet! ARGH! I talk to him constantly. And I have named him Dylan, in her honour.
I have attempted to 'pack', in the vaguest sense of the word, for university (since I go on the 2oth *Moment of nausea*). This has involved erratic visits to Huddersfield, where I have ended up buying nothing but food for later, along with small items that I really do not need. The latest addition to the pile in the middle of my room: a hairdryer. I don't think I was in need of one, but myself and the brother have had lots of fun blowing it in our faces and making our cheeks ripple. So it was worth it.
Bryony is currently engaged in slow motion running through fields to...oh, what was that theme again...?! :D
I started a blog! This is, in fact, said blog. I am rather excited, even though I can see myself being the only reader within a month. Still, it's nice to talk to my computer. *waves to laptop*
I ordered the 3rd Chelsea Cain book, the release of which I've awaited for over a year. Dayyamn! Very excited. It should arrive at some point next week. I'll have it read before uni.
I have taken to re-watching the US Office...and rewatching some more. And I have discovered that conversations can be held with some people in Office quotes alone :D Yes, that sad. Tried watching some of the British one, but I really didn't like it as much. Steve Carrell is a legend.
Saf and Emad are moving in together. No, really. Personally I think it's too soon.
Can't wait for the new Sherlock Holmes! Yay for Robert Downey Jr!
I have realised that I am overusing exclamation marks. This shall be curbed.
Bought the best pair of Sketchers on the planet. Though I love all Sketchers.
My mum has taken to stopping mid-flow of any activity, and saying 'Who's going to do this when you're not here any more?!'. I have had to take great pains to explain to people that I am not leaving home forever. My family is still determined to accompany me to Leicester in a convoy, fully equipped with all Asian foods imaginable, and streamers etc for Eid celebrations. Great stuff.

I've rambled. I'll stop now, since nothing else of interest has happened (or if it has, I've forgotten it).
In a while, crocodile.

A small introduction (ie me working out how to use this bloody thing).

2009-09-05T02:35:00.000+01:00

Well, Saf has officially declared this blog open! (After it had already been opened, but the sentiment is there.)

I feel it necessary to acknowledge influences in the creating of this blog, thus anchoring them into a binding contract of readership at the same time :) Saf and Emad, you know who you are. Aherm.

Also, thank you Emad for the title, which I thought was great due to my own pyromania, and my slight obsession with the Chariots of Fire theme- let's face it, it's a great theme.
However, other excellent title suggestions made by Saf deserve a mention:

1) The Purple Pyromaniac- A good idea, but I thought it was a bit predictable.

2) The Purple Pyromaniac Pomegranate- A better idea. I liked this, and it was a close second.

3) The Purple Pyromaniac Pomegranate Pants/Parsley/Parsnip/Pissface- I was not too keen on these variations, to be honest.

4) Oh wait, I'm the immigrant here- This was something I had just said, which Saf suggested as a potential title. Whilst it rings with some truth, I felt it might discombobulate people.

Right, so titles aside, I will begin actually blogging in the next post, as I did on my Myspace blog, regardless of dwindling readership and the many adversities I face in being on this site. I felt the need to set a blog up because I have the constant urge to vent everything I think onto a page in a kind of brain-spew. Fetching, I know, but what the hell :) I'll keep this up for as long as I can before I'm beaten down by the strain of being a student, but hopefully not before I've brain-spewed about that too...

Finally, I say hello old beans to The Jennifer and Bryony. Hello old beans. Or boons. And of course, this hello is extended to all three/four of you out there who will occasionally visit this collection of unrelated musings.

As a signing off statement, I'd say 'Over and out', but Emad gets quite angry when I use that, so as a temporary measure:

In a while, crocodiles.

Chariots On Fire

Of Beaches, Daylight Robbery and Feral Kittens.

Trust me, I'm half a doctor.

...So yeah, it's me again...!

"I need some air"

What is this...'sunshine' you speak of?!

Silly Bean

Life, the Universe and Everything.

Colour Coded Ringbinders and the smell of Sharpies.

And...*Breathe*

The 5 Stages of Grief- as applied to exams.

Catastrophising.

Everything is cool, dude.

Silver Lining People

The art of properly expressing the word 'Grotesque'.

4 letters: "Big cat".... *Nonplussed silence*

The Spider Crusades

Relocation and all it's hellish accompaniments.

Over six weeks, more cough medicine has reached the draining board/floor than has reached my mouth.

Not too Shabby (Recycled title, because I love that damn phrase)

One does not simply walk into Mordor.

Illness makes me Grouchy.

PANIC OVER

Crash mats. Unrelated to the post, it's just the first thing I thought.

Slow motion shaking your fist at the sun just angers it, if anything.

There are five pepsi cans on my window sill. True story.

Oreo McFlurry, Strawberry Milkshake, Pizza, Galaxy Counters, More Galaxy Counters, Pepsi, Fish and Chips...

Several tangents bundled together and passed off as a post.

Where are YOU sleeping tonight?

Iridescence: reminds you of the kind of sound glitter would make when you threw it in the air, if glitter could make a sound.

Not too Shabby.

Excuse me, I'm lost, I desperately need to find a Pizza Express. I am not a fat slob. Really.

I am Jack's malfunctioning ear.

I am Jack's raging bile duct.

Seeing people as walking X-rays.

The flipper equivalent of jazz hands.

Apoptosis: when cells go Kamikaze.

"Let's call him Archie, so when he misbehaves we can address him as Archibald"

Raindrops on roses, defibrillators and kittens.

She talks to herself. A lot.

"I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies..."

Myelinated/Unmyelinated axons.

You know it's bad when your virtual voice is louder than your actual voice.

The utter lack of sunshine (except on a mug).

Good mood (How's that for a change?!)

Conversations with Homeless People

Grey days.

Societies and socialising.

Not-so-subtle-subtlety,

Winding down like clockwork.

An attempt at shorter blog posts.

LEICESTER!

Memories

Mood swings.

Frayed nerves.

Impending doom.

A discombobulation of information.

A small introduction (ie me working out how to use this bloody thing).

And...Breathe

4 letters: "Big cat".... Nonplussed silence