Friday, 1 January 2010

She talks to herself. A lot.

It's a New Year, and I don't feel any different.
Not to sound depressive or anything, but I don't get the huge fuss that surrounds new year... sure, you'll make a resolution, then drink yourself into stupidity til you forget it, then get depressed in the huge anticlimax that is the day after new year's day, and as normal again..? And much as I love fireworks, I can't help thinking that the thousands that they spent on the fireworks for the big countdown in London could have been put to better use... how about matching it, and giving that amount to charity as a New Year gesture?
Another thing that pissed me off was the montage on the BBC- they showed the major events of each year this decade. Good stuff- winning the olympic bid, etc. Serious stuff- 9/11, 7/7. Stars who died. What struck me was that there was no mention of conflicts... it's a year since Gaza was obliterated. If they're going to have moments of silence in their decade montage for Michael Jackson dying, then why not have people remember the conflicts that rocked this decade as well, and people in these zones who are still suffering? I get that they couldn't cover everything, but it just annoys me that there was no mention at all except the obligatory 'oh, and the Iraq war started'. Surely something like this is more important than the first winner of Strictly Come Dancing?
*Sigh*. Yep. Social conscience kicks in, just as everyone's pissed out of their minds.
People keep asking me what my New Year's Resolution is. No different to last year's, I guess. Or the year before. Etc. Generally survive, be of use, avoid breakdowns, not piss anyone off. I think that literally boils down and let live? :)
As for the last decade, I'd have to say that personally, ie me-wise, it was an epic fail. I have high hopes for the next one though, since I'm now at the point where I can hold a conversation and maintain eye contact, can practically look at myself in a mirror, and recognise that being a human pressure cooker is not healthy. In short, the side effects of high school are wearing off. This is always a good thing.
I was thinking, the next time we're celebrating the end of the decade, I'll be almost thirty :| That's a bloody scary thought, considering how this last ten years definitely did not feel like ten years. It's scary to think what could happen (especially if, like me, you constantly run through every possible worst case scenario in your head). By then I could be a doctor. Or I could have failed at the first hurdle and found something completely different to do (English Lit lecturer, specialising in Hamlet sounds oh-so-tempting). Quite honestly though, it doesn't matter- the job will never be anything more than a job, whether it's as a consultant, teacher, whatever. Rather be happy and working for someone than concentrate on climbing the career ladder and have no life. It's never been about the money. Comfortable means a lot of things, but if I'm comfortable, I don't care what I'm doing for a job. Sometimes I think I'm not cut out to be a doctor because I'm not outgoing, personally ambitious, or especially competitive. I just want to be helping, in general, because this would make me happy. The brother tells me I'll change my mind after seven years of slaving away, and I will want to get to the top of my profession. I'll be surprised if I do. But what do I know :| Personality transplants have happened, I guess. I might look back at this in five years and laugh at my green, sheltered, not-yet-disillusioned self.
So there it is. Possibly the most introspective, coherent, and boring, I have been on here. Well, the function of the blog is to organise the filing cabinet that's been set on fire in my head, so I make no apologies for the wild variation in content.
Suppose I'll get some sleep now.Or not. I'm in a thinking mood, in case you didn't notice.


  1. Utterly depressing and pointless. Stop acting like a big queer!
    "Last decade was an epic fail" started it off at the age of 9, a little girl, silly. What you mean is that you've grown in 10 years and have become and adult i.e. life starts now.
    Jees, "belt up" etc. The new year is here =P
    But yes, I don't see the fuss either. And fireworks in general are just funny as it is literally seeing money being burnt. Hooray!

  2. Emad, do go back to Paki-land where you belong ¬_¬ I'm not being depressed, I'm saying I'm glad the decade's over. It's a new start, even if it feels the same as yesterday/the day before etc. And if you think it's pointless, nobody's making you read, Flower Boy.

  3. *Your* home country. And that really did come across as a depressing post!
    Poor comeback at the end =P I meant pointless in that you didn't tell us what percentage of your brain has died due to revision =[ I'm almost at 90% now. F.

  4. It wasn't...:S, but if it ever was, again, nobody's making you read this. I'm allowed to be depressed every once in a while. Yeesh.
    And I'd rather not think about revision, full stop. Think I've said enough about it :| It's taking over.

  5. *cough* You met me - how on earth can your decade be a fail with that amazing blessing??
    Although I agree, this decade looks set to be much better....just don't ever remind me I'll be thirty one day. Palpitations much?