Frayed nerves.

So..my blog is rebelling against me, and has refused to tell me when people leave comments, so I can't moderate them and therefore don't know if anyone's commented :( Saf left one, but only after he 'worked a bit of magic' in his own words- code for clicking the 'comment' button several thousand times until it posted. I mean, it's not as though I need comments to validate my existence (...aherm) but it'd be NICE if Blogger wouldn't be so NASTY after I FINALLY concede to starting a BLOG HERE! *Calms self*

So yeah... I wasn't intending on blogging every day, this is just a nervous reaction, because several things have come up at once since yesterday, after a long period of not having to worry about anything. And since I haven't worried in a few weeks, it makes a big change to have the same level of anxiety as I had on a constant basis for the last seven years. :| I know. Totally.

Firstly- Heartstart- Shehzad, the instructor got in touch and has asked me and Zainab to run another Heartstart course for two people from school who want it for their personal statements. This makes me anxious in two ways: Firstly, it brought back the whole personal statement nightmare of last September- bloody hell, bad times. Which in turn brings back all those mental crises I had, and even though they're irrelevant now, I still get that horrible stomach-dropping feeling when I think about it. Secondly, I worry about holding the course because I keep thinking I've forgotten it all, so I won't be able to relax until I've sat down and properly gone through all the theory/practical in my head, even though I know I have a basic grip of it all. Gah.

Second, Pass Plus- yes I am alive, it was yesterday. I nearly killed a van driver (and myself, and my instructor, and anyone else who was behind me) when I tried to change lanes and was checking the mirror, and didn't realise I was already veering into the lane. Aherm. Apart from that, it went swimmingly :) And I managed to maintain 70mph and not die! It's weird though, when you come off the motorway- 30 feels like a craaaaaaaawl. So it went fine in the end, but the initial anxiety about doing it has just thrown me off a bit and made me generally feel worried.

Thirdly, believe it or not, university. Alone. Like, me, alone, in a city. In principle, I love the thought of being alone. Practically..? Iiiiiii'm not so sure... Certain people had better come visit! I'm already waiting. I'd say I'll visit you, but you should know me well enough to be able to envision me ending up in Plymouth/somewhere obscure, having completely malfunctioned with my navigational skills. Or lack thereof. What am I going to do?! *Heads for the nearest corner for safety*

God, there's a thought...can you imagine if my room was round? :| It doesn't bear thinking about.

That and I'm going to miss people :( You know who you are and why, lol, so I'll spare individual sentimental addresses for another time. It took me seven years to make a small handful of friends, ie people who don't intimidate me, and act as the reassuring 'You'll be fine' voice in my head- you're telling me I've gotta do another seven, starting from scratch?! Well, universe, all I can say is you're a crafty git.

And so are you, blog, for refusing to allow me to read what comments I get :( <--- an attempt to see if the sad face elicits some sympathy from Blogger, which may then take pity on me and stop censoring my comments.